Monday, October 31, 2005

Mumbai Bar Owners Association loose again

Mumbai Bar Owners Association loose again. I will not make any promises about tightening my turban again.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Should I sack Laloo?


I am really pissed off!

Should I sack Laloo for the
railway mishap killing 150 or should I sack Shivraj V Patil for his inability in stopping the terrorist attack? I am really pissed off! What a dilemma! Knowing myself, I know I will do neither.

But I am really pissed off! Which is worst of the two? I am really pissed off!


Some positive news from Pakistan. We can send relief across the border and I hope both nations rejoice . I am really pissed off! Also we have pledged US $ 25 Million to Pakistan. I am really pissed off!

I think I should sack Laloo first. I am really pissed off! But if I sack Laloo, Soniji will be pissed off. Better I stay pissed off!

No Need to Click Here - I'm just claiming my feed at Feedster


Saturday, October 29, 2005

Blasts!

I am on my way back from Kolkatta

I am really pissed off! Very angry. Very Very angry about these blasts in Delhi. I even threw my Economic Times and Business Standard across the room...and picked up the Jane’s defense weekly

This Diwali will be remembered…well remembered by Lashkar-e-Toiba. I am really pissed off!

Friday, October 28, 2005

Not about the CM



This post is not about who is tipped to be the CM of J&K. It is about concern that we have for the nation. Our commitment to Italy is unquestionable.

Mumbai Bar Owners Association loose again

India wins against the Mumbai Bar owners association again. My turban feels quite tight. As an explanation to this cryptic post, please read my post earlier on. Also while you are scrolling down click on a couple of Google ads for the prime minister's relief fund!

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Natwar...



I think made a mistake by sending Natwar to Russia. Have a look at this KGB photograph of Natwar with Iran’s Deputy President Parviz Davoodi published on rediff.com.

Immediately after this they participated in the best scowl by a visiting foreign dignitary contest held on Russian Television. Russian press is quite free. They rank 139 on the freedom of press ranking, 33 notches below India. They must have shot the photographer before confiscating the photograph for rediff.com!

Italy ranks 42 and this statement has no connection whatsoever with Soniaji!

Free Press 106



India's freedom of press ranking ascertained by press reporter sans frontier is 106. Have they met Rajat Sharma of India TV? My press secretary was scared to death while informing this to me. Pakistan is ranked at 150; their press secretary will be hanged tomorrow. China's ranking is at 159; they will hang their dead press secretary again.

Delay across the LOC

Some delay in getting a chance to spy across the LOC. Earthquake victims will have to wait for President Mushy to clear this.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Bhojpuri Hindi in Tamil Nadu

Erode Flooded! Good, now Pakistan can send us aid for Tamil Nadu. Even LTTE and Shri Lanka can send us some aid just like we sent aid to US during the Katrina deluge. With all egos massaged we can give some aid in POK.

I called up a lot of people in Tamil Nadu, Karnataka and Kerala during the floods. All spoke Bhojpuri with me. I was quite surprised. I suppose the locals were helping out in the floods.

I chatted with the representatives of ULFA. First, I thought they were some trade unionist from Kolkatta but then I saw the empty holster and guessed. I told them I am willing to discuss anything with them while keeping an eye on the empty holsters. They left after 15 minutes. The holsters were empty.

Some of my friends really think it is me blogging here. Amazing!

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

India Win against Mumbai Bar owner's association

If they win the next cricket match I will tighten my turban by 1 psi and maybe put a feather in it!

Sri Lanka loosing the match reminds me of the head of Mumbai bar owners association, Manjeet Singh. He is the only Singh who is not the Singh like a Singh should be. Almost a Buta Singh!

Patna Daily

Google News should be out of beta it is crawling something called Patna Daily. Awesome stuff! I even read their FAQ twice!

Mr. K. J. Rao, the special advisor to the Election Commission (EC) in Bihar finds the elections here more challenging than in Kashmir…while the challenge in both places is mainly to stay alive, in Kashmir you can actually hold an election.

Soniaji wants to discuss the Kashmir CM issue with me. Does she need a scapegoat? She could try Laloo he is such a goat!

I have asked the armed forces commanders to refashion defense strategy. Irrespective of your expectation I will not mention that Ritu Berry called me with this proposal. I do not crack such obvious jokes. I am an intelligent, liberal, economist Sardarji.

To Russia in December

I am planning to visit Russian in December. We are getting used to democratic communist. Globally, the "erstwhile" superpowers have introduced two broad political concepts. First, the "democratic communist" like Russia (and like our partners CPI) and Constrained Democracies like Afghanistan, Pakistan and Iraq. We also have Fanatic Muslim Kingdoms as a political concept which we are expected to ignore. I have not mentioned it here.

Supreme Court has suggested throwing Bihar Governor Buta Singh out of his “allotted” house in Delhi, “Buta Singh is governor of Bihar. What is he doing here? How can he be occupying this house? The governor cannot have a house here. Throw him out” I think it will better for all if we throw him out of the Governors house in Bihar.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Mufti to take entire blame

Soniaji has decided that Mufti will be given an opportunity to take the entire blame of shoddy relief work in J&K. He is likely to remain the CM for some more time.

The entire Mumbai Police force is behaving like Delhiites. Molesting and rapping then getting caught by civilians. Getting caught by civilians is the point the entire nation should reflect on.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Eventful Weekend - LOC, Onions and Deve Gowda

We are having an eventful weekend. First, we (meaning the congress lead by Soniaji) are likely to take the reins of running Kashmir from Mufti. Somehow I keep seeing relief on Muftis face. What has he been up to? Do they grow onions in Kashmir?

While on onions, we are opening up the LOC so that we can provide assistance to Kashmiris on the other side. Looks like onions will not be a part of this assistance.

H D Deve Gowda is a former PM and will soon be a former politician if he keeps attacking my favorite corporate citizen Narayana Murthy. I asked my political advisor if I can call Deve Gowda a fat non performing asset of Indian politics. I was advised not to do so for another 5 years. Actually, I do not know much about airports, but it is a mystery why so many top honchos are building one airport in Bangalore. Anyway, if Narayana wants to build something challenging he can try building absolutely anything in Bihar while Deve builds the airport.

What is L K Advani doing today? I have prayed so that I do not see him on TV today .

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Salaries at PMO

Salaries at PMO are amazing. I just saw them on my official website.
http://pmindia.nic.in/officers.htm

Google declarers itself a beta-r company, much beta-r than Microsoft!

  1. Google News – Beta-r since inception. See Pamela next to Katrina!
  2. Froogle – Beta-r shopping in confused pictures
  3. Google Blog Search – old wine on blogs is still beta-r
  4. Google Catalogues – old wine with Froogle is still beta-r
  5. Google Labs – all the more beta-r
  6. Google Print – beta-r then buying copyrights
  7. Google Scholar – beta-r dropouts, beta-r software
  8. Google SMS – mobile is still beta-r
  9. Google IM – MSN can be easily beta-r
  10. Gmail – Size matters…it is beta-r
  11. Google Open Office - behind closed doors is beta-r
  12. San Francisco – A free, open source Wifi city is still beta-r
  13. Sun Alliance – Eric friends are beta-r
  14. Financial results – Enron was beta-r
  15. Eric Schmidt – It cannot get beta-r and beta-r

Beta-r change the direction for the beta-r of the shareholders.

Too many betas, you become a blind Dhutrasta. (You need to be an Indian to understand this)

In case you have not figured this out...Google has too many products which are in the public domain still in beta stage which people use thinking they are regular products.

Kalam’s relief fund

I have donated my one months’ salary to President Kalam’s relief fund. Most likely he will use the relief fund to help earthquake victims. He may also use it to sue Google (Google Earth) which will be a relief for the Defense, RAW, IB and your local police.

I and the president have a lot in common; we are patriotic, liberal, honest, ageing and have long hair!


Thursday, October 20, 2005

Earthquake Bipasha

Arlene, Cindy…Katrina…Maria…Wilma…Musharraf has decided to call the earthquake Bipasha!

Darn, that is a bad joke particularly from an intelligent and liberal Sardaji economist like me who is also a Prime Minister.

I enjoyed my meeting with Cisco Systems' CEO John Chambers today. He is really good at networking…he met quite a few bureaucrats and ministers. CISCO is definitely in the right business.

Mamta Banerjee’s protest in West Bengal failed due to a heavy downpour. She was protesting against some Indonesian CEO planning an investment in West Bengal. She could have elicited more response by protesting in Indonesia…investing in West Bengal! The CEO would have lost his job!

Now, this business about Govinda and Dawood. I will have to first check if Govinda is useful in any way to Soniaji and then give my reaction.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Dictators!

I just came across a timeline. Saddam’s road from a mud house in Tikrit to the trial. I am worried about Musharraf. All dictators seem to follow a same path; birth, army, American support against some war, superstar, superstar with a smarter uniform, very popular in western media in a smart uniform, a mistake in uniform, people die, lies, more lies, revolution or war, jail or death. I like democracy; one has to just loose election to go out of power. Even democratic dictators like Laloo and Jaya are voted out. Anytime better then being bulleted out.

I am taking undue interest in sports. This is the only newspaper page left on my breakfast table. Political sections are read by my cook, page 3 by my wife and the rest is used for packing my lunch. Anyway, I found that Ganguly has been declared physically fit. He had a tennis elbow now he only suffers from cricket verbose!

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Mrs and Mr Musharraf can appear on KBC Duytiya

I am amazed what an earthquake can do to relations. I actually spoke with Bhuta Singh cordially, and then I spoke to Advaniji and finally spoke with my wife. None were across the border, but it felt good just talking to someone who felt so across the border.

Musharraf wants some of our helicopters to fly across borders…without pilots. He spoke through the media. He even wants free movement across the borders. I think my wife saw this part on TV. I think Mrs and Mr Musharraf can appear on KBC – Dutiya and win Rs 2 Cr. Lock kiya jai?

Anyways, while this was happening life in Bushland a.k.a USA went on normally as Adobe released an update to their acrobat reader. It downloaded suddenly using an auto update which reminded me of Microsoft and Jayalalitha. Bulky uncertain changes to fix old errors!

Monday, October 17, 2005

IndoPak earthquake

The Indo-Pak earthquake is quite a huge. More than 50,000 dead in Pakistan! Musharraf will use this to get aid, remain army chief, become president for life, encourage jihad, get more F 16s, get trade barriers in US and EU removed, restart Maderessas, ban Indian News channels and Hindi movies and be free to raise the Kashmir issue anywhere to generate sympathy. He will still not be in a position to export nuclear bombs.

Quite a price to pay for all this. Quite a price indeed.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Ooops...just saw this on http://in.rediff.com/news/2005/oct/14pres.htm
Happy Birthday Mr. President. 1 day behind schedule.
Thank you Rediff.com for mentioning this on your site. You are the oldest, fastest, famous and still easiest to remember portal since I started liberalization and Mikhail Gorbachev started Perestroika

Ganguly, Advani and a weekend

Now what! Advaniji wants me to resign. Says he alone should not be doing this again and again. He says we can resign at the same time in December if I desire. A joint resignation.

If I resign who will become me? An interesting question which I will have to debate and which Soniaji will have to decide

Ganguly is out. Pranab Mukherjee protested in defense. Says it is his job as the Defense Minister. But maybe he did not say that. I really have to retain a full time Bengali English-English translator.

President Kalam thinks we should not send satellites any more. Google Earth will do a good job and it is free! But is it out of Beta? Is the Google CEO Eric Schmidt out of beta?

Drink less over the weekend. Save water. Also use less electricity. And use a little less petrol. And please, please, please spend more money. It is good for the economy!


Friday, October 14, 2005

Natwar, to Russia with love


Natwar is leaving for Russia on 26 Oct. Russians are important to us. They are like our left parties…democratic communists and partners in an uncertain alliance. Maybe we will buy a ship and a few guns from them.

Things are bad in Kashmir. Musharraf’s Pakistan should learn to hold its ground.

Daniel Craig is the new Bond, James Bond. He is likely to fight bikini clad human bombs in UK subways. This bond is also a blond.

In 2050 they will consider a Sardar Bond. 30% of the English speaking audience will be Indian! And all will have laptops!

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Left returns!

Left returned to the UPA coordination committee. Will lead to more media coverage. Laloo is no longer such a crowd puller.

Indo – Pak relationship dominate the minds of dying Kashmiris on both sides of the border. Their last wish is to have the spokesperson on both side shut up. Barkha Dutt of NDTV should also return home and try acting in any Balaji television serials.

I got a small surgery done today at AIMS. There was a rumor that the resident doctors were planning to strike for higher wages, sexier nurses and allowing each of them to see the prime minister naked. Amazing!

Google Adsense and Liptor

I put Google Adsense on my blog as I am inclined towards finance and revenue. I am also a liberal which can be seen in this blog. I am also a Sardarji which cannot be seen in the photograph.

Ranbaxy lost to Pfizer in the Liptor patent suit. 70% of the news reporter and 99.99% of the Indian population do not know about this since Liptor is not a call center.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Sent some aid to Pakistan

We finally sent some aid to Pakistan. The flight took off to some obscure airfield in central Pakistan where 300 Pakistanis will realize that India sent some help.

Meanwhile, Amitabh Bachchan turned 64. I did not call him. I am not afraid of Soniaji.

Uma is going to be the CM of Madhya Pradesh after Bihar election. We will call it Right “Madhya” Pradesh after that. I will be reading all their history text books from right to left. But, does Madhya Pradesh have any history? Arjun can help in this.


Monday, October 10, 2005

Epidemic of Sadness

Epidemic of Sadness across the globe…so many deaths…so little help…such big egos. I think we could have helped Musharraf.

Even Buta failed to frighten me today.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Core issue was still Kashmir

Called up President Musharraf to offer help. I suggested a 5 point program of sending engineers, doctors with aid, food, tents and finally some bollywood stars. Musharraf thanked me. He offered condolences on Bihar and indicated that the core issue was still Kashmir.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Indo-Pak Earthquake...sounds American

Bad earthquake in Pakistan. Hit us too. An Indo-Pak earthquake. Must be an American earthquake (since in US everything is conceived around the hyphenated Indo-Pak balance).

I am sad about all families who suffered.

http://news.webindia123.com/news/showdetails.asp?id=132530&cat=India
I lectured all Chief Ministers on the need to improve the fiscal health of the state. Most Chief Ministers told me they had heard of Leptospirosis, Dengue and Typhoid problems in their state but the fiscal bug had still not hit them. One chap even wanted to know if there were special financial benefits if he declares his state fiscally hit. I am impressed with the fiscal intellect of the leaders.

What is the latest in Bihar? Haven’t found time to read the crime section of the Tribune…

Friday, October 07, 2005

Sania and my worry

I am worried about Sania. She is exactly how Indian women should be. Professional, confident, assertive, visionary, courageous, hard working Committed and a winner. Every day I worry that some Islamic Cleric will spoil this and put the nations favorite girl in a burkha. I am so scared of this that I have not even mentioned this to Soniaji.

Will I loose votes if Imam of Jamma Masjid issues a fatwa saying that Sania should wear a tennis burkha and I publicly renounce this? Have to check this with Ghulam Nabi Azad. He is an expert on this.

De-Chidambify the index

Google – SUN – Oracle – Linux all have united to hate Microsoft. All companies started with a vision to build terrific products and are now busy working to demolish Microsoft.

In India we do not have this problem. We do not make products. We will only provide services. So we provide support to Microsoft Office users in GE, USA, using application that uses google technology to search and index running on Linux servers with IBM logo connected to ISP which is on SUN systems. I am using Microsoft Word to type this. Thank you.

Though I do not have a stake in all this, since I am the Prime Minister of an IT infected country I have some opinion, particularly since this is a weekend and I have time to write.

I wonder if SEBI is investigating Chida (Chidambaram) His comments have too much impact on the NSE index. I need to de-Chidambify the index. I am also very happy that Ambani’s continue to stay out of news.

Bihar as an NPA


Sun-Google, Bush-Musharraf, Laloo-Bhuta, Congress – RJD, Congress – CPI, Russia – Iran…I mean what is wrong in having these type of alliance?

I hope some Indian wins a Noble or semi Noble prize. It will keep the media off this Bihar crises and our dismissal of the assembly.

I am thinking of declaring Bihar as an NPA. We will then declare it a bad debt and merge parts of it into different states.


http://in.rediff.com/news/2005/oct/07pm.htm


Wednesday, October 05, 2005

AMU

What is a minority university? Good Universities are in a minority but is AMU a good university? (http://www.outlookindia.com/pti_news.asp?id=326995) I too studied at a minority university called Cambridge. It is in minority.

Amazing is the dissimilarity between AMU, India and AMU, USA. AMU India stands for Alighar Muslim University and in USA it stands for American Military University.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Disinvestment of Indian Politics

16 Killed as Laloo managed another mishap in the railways (http://www.expressindia.com/fullstory.php?newsid=55799). This is unnerving. I want to sack him but cannot, Sonia wants to Sack him but cannot, the entire middle class of the nation wants to sack him but cannot, the right want to sack him but cannot, folks traveling on local trains in Mumbai want to sack him but cannot, the western India wants to sack him, south India wants to sack him but cannot…honestly I want to know who handled the disinvestment of Indian Politics and who runs this nation.



All sound so interesting

Shahabuddin wrote a law exam (http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/1250688.cms) , the Supreme Court relaxed the noise ban during garba (http://in.rediff.com/news/2005/oct/03garba.htm)
Bush selected his Lawyer Miers as a candidate for US Supreme Court and Microsoft is expected to allow you to save office documents in pdf format using Office 12. (http://www.expressindia.com/fullstory.php?newsid=55816). I do not know how these events are connected but all sound so interesting.


Sunday, October 02, 2005

Gandhi Jayanti

Today we celebrated Mahatma Gandhi’s 136th birth anniversary. This was a tough task as I managed the entire morning without mentioning economic reforms or Iran.

Advaniji feels that there should be judicial probe into the allegations that many congress leaders were on KGB’s payroll in 1970 (http://in.rediff.com/news/2005/oct/02advani.htm) The Left feels that such a probe is irrelevant since congress is on the CIA payroll now (http://in.rediff.com/news/2005/oct/02cong.htm). I will have to see my salary slip this time and find out who am I working for. I always thought it was Soniaji. Does Italy have a secret service?




Saturday, October 01, 2005

An ordinary yesterday


Had an interesting day yesterday! But I will call it ordinary since I am the PM! I met the Left leaders for breakfast and tried to reason out the Iran-IAEA vote till they left. Left to these guys there will be no right or left of India Left.

Sheikh Hasina dropped in (she is the PM of Bangladesh I later found out). She speaks like Paranb and I was deliberating whether I should call for an English-English interpreter. Dr. Condoleezza Rice had called for an English-English interpreter during her meeting with Pranab Mukherjee. Anyways, Hasina just dropped in to say hello and tell us not shoot across the borders.

Bush called up. I do not like taking his patronizing and bossy calls. Bush is so much like Microsoft!
He basically told me we will continue to scratch each others back. I pray that the itch on his back continues.