Wednesday, November 30, 2005
At the India-Economic Summit, I informed the knowledgeable business leaders that we will achieve a GDP growth at 7.5 % this year. We will be targeting 10% growth in future. We will be also targeting a 20% growth in salaries at the BPOs. The rich poor divide will widen by 2 inches of waistline which amounts to 2000% in terms of average income. In Bihar the divide will cease to exist as the rich will not be able to extort money during Nitish Raj. All will be equally below poverty line. We will also see a growth in international quality movies by 300%. We made 1 this year and we will make 4 next year. I am sure that the audience was impressed as the applause did not cease till someone gave the call for drinks.
The genuineness of the applause cannot gauged easily in the land of sycophants. The longer you remain a Prime Minister in a coalition government, the easier it is to understand this.
Dan Burton, head of the Pakistan caucus in the US House met me. He is planning to support Indo – US nuclear deal if we separate our civil and military nuclear facilities. We also have to provide US of the details of capacity, location with road map, floor diagrams with details of burglar alarms, defense mechanisms and telephone numbers.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
- Tell all participants at the India Economic Summit to invest in Indian Politics. Higher rates of return than any other sector.
- Sell ONGC and IOC to buy Shell.
- Visit Soniaji’s house and celebrate the end of Shiv Sena. Even Sharad Pawar can join in.
- Have Volcker walk away.
Nitish cannot make a cabinet without a minister with a criminal record. I am planning to request Harry Potter to do away with Bihar by this weekend.
No one in my office knows what a Minister without a Ministry does. Will have to find out from Natwar.
Samajwadi Amitabh has been hospitalized. Samajwadi Amar is taking care of him. Who is taking care of Samajwadi UP?
Monday, November 28, 2005
China exported 100 tones of benzene to Khabarovsk, Russia. No packing, no freight. Just a sleek slick in the river floating the right way. China has apologized to Russia for this free export. China also has exported Bird Flu and SARS in the past. I do not recall an apology for these exports.
PC (Chidambaram) is trying to lure investors at the India Economic summit. I hope they have more corporations with names like “Virgin”. We can have them invest in Tamil Nadu. They have virgin call centers there.
Raj Thackeray has resigned from the executive committee of the Shiv Sena. Bal Thackeray has managed to foster hate based politics even his family. Admirable consistency of policy. Lalu and then Balasaheb. A good weekend for the congress. Soniaji will be pleased.
Saturday, November 26, 2005
This reminds me. I have to call up Deshmukh and suggest to amicablly settle the border dispute Maharashtra has with Karnataka. Mumbai also has a border dispute with UP. Bhaiya’s feel they are in majority here. Mulayam Singh is tempted!
I like the way the media is ignoring Modi’s Gujarat. Creates a nice illusion that there is no development in this rightist governed state.
Friday, November 25, 2005
Out of Bihar’s GDP of Rs 35,667 crore, agriculture contributes Rs 13,200 crore and Industry Rs 4,133 crore. The balance Rs 18,334 crore is from services like protection, kidnapping and extortion.
We had a riotous opening session in the parliament. Over the din I could hear that BJP wanted someone’s scalp. I offered Abu’s entire body.
I tried to locate Natwar. Where does a minister without a ministry sit in the hall?
I will address the closing session of the 21st India Economic Summit. I am tired of these economic summits. I am more than a Saradrji Economist. I am the PM of India. Need to tell my cabinet about this.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
The Afghan President, Mr. Hamid Karzai, called. First I thought it was about Bihar, and then I thought it was about Abu. I even wondered if it was about Volcker. Maybe it was about our economic policy. Oops…it was about the Indian driver that Taliban killed. Really sad! I remember making some perfunctory sounds about this. Anyway, I am just a Sardarji economist so I have decided to give the bereaved family some money.
Indonesian President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono and I had an interesting meeting. Indonesia is the world's largest archipelagic state. It was also a police state some years back. Now it is a democratic archipelagic semi police state. Other than this there is poverty, corruption and a larger population in Indonesia. A very good business destination for Indian investment. Ambani’s will feel at home.
Heard Ganguly is back in the India team. After this series the selectors are getting him a job on ESPN.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Oh…Lalu lost the elections in Bihar? Oh! Did he now? I had no idea about it. I am really sad (thee thee hee he he ha ha!..) Well, I am a Sardarji economist and do not know much about politics! (Ha Ha Ha)
Next post after I stop giggling.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
We were at the Jawaharlal Nehru Memorial Lecture and most us were committed to saying nice things. Everyone agreed that India could no longer be ignored. Most of the Railway accidents, Tsunami and earthquakes are happening here. We still do not have as many air accidents, but we have just started liberalizing the skies.
Earlier, when Mr. Yew visited the Infosys campus Mr. Murthy praised Singapore. He said "Singapore has clearly proved that the only raw materials required for economic progress are leadership, aspiration, imagination, meritocracy, openness to learn from others, focus on benchmarking on a global scale, hard work and discipline.” It also requires a smaller population. It also requires an area less than Delhi.
I am clear that the Indian growth model will be unique, like over non violent freedom struggle.
Monday, November 21, 2005
planning to have cordial relations. President Rajapaksa of Sri Lanka has promised this.
I saw J. Jayalalithaa on Aaj Tak’s Sidhi Bat. Jayalalithaa who was Jayalalitha till numerology made her Jayalalithaa continued to behave and communicate like Jayalalitha even when she is Jayalalithaa. Communicating in series of clichés like “TN is a force to reckon with” and “we want to be the numero uno” Jayalalithaa was so very Jayalalithaaaaaa… Prabhu Chawla was a bit mellowed. He did not ask her if she is a virgin.
I am set for an exciting week ahead. Lalu will be loosing the elections in Bihar and is likely to be hopping mad around Rail Bhawan. He is going to chug chug his way into some prison if Nitish comes to power. This will create one more vacancy in my cabinet. Khushboo, Volcker, Abu, Monica and Greg’s boys are also around incase Bihar elections do not meet the expectation of this week.
Did Abu name Azharuddin? I am the Prime Minister and I still do not know!
Sunday, November 20, 2005
- At SAARC I noticed the neighborhood we live in. Time to move India to North America.
- Volcker is hiding behind Abu and Monica. He will remerge with the Pathak report unless Abu confesses to something more interesting then making movies.
- Thank God Islamic clerics and Sania continue to skirt the issue
- French mineral water brand Evian is to remerge. It is to lead the luxury segment of bottled drinking water.
- Pre-marital sex has a good political market. Ayodhya and Italian origins retain their presence.
- Greg Chappell
- Peaceful elections in Bihar. Media awaiting violence is disappointed
Saturday, November 19, 2005
I have still not the got the over that why the CPI can the support pre marital sex but cannot the support my the Liberalization plan. I am the confused. I am the surprised is that Khushboo is the fat!
Friday, November 18, 2005
Did Jayalalitha ever have sex? All Tamil film stars marry virgins. Some of them become virgin Chief Ministers. They are called Mother Ministers. Virgin Mother Ministers. Did anyone notice the glowing stars in the skies of Tamil Nadu?
Khushboo, means fragrance in Hindi. It continues to mean trouble in Tamil.
So much for stuff of National Importance.
"I am here to talk to you. Nowadays, I rarely address rallies, and it is possible that I will only address the Dussehra rally from now on,'' said Thackeray. Should I feel relieved? Or should only the Police Commissioner of Mumbai feel the relief?
Clinton says Iraq was a big Mistake. Natwar agreed. He wants Clinton back as the President of the free world.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Vikram Doraiswami (my PS) gave me this report with his comments on it. He is quite intelligent. His prognoses are:
- Lost in Translation – Most of China is lost this way and what remains are images of Shanghai.
- From Russia with love: Beijing may remind you of St Petersburg. Grand, powerful and something missing.
- The long and winding road: Progress on Indian roads is a bumpy ride full of potholes of an infant democracy. Chinese road are as smooth (like in USSR?). Near the horizon we see a huge speed breaker followed by a deep valley called democracy.
Vikram wanted to know if Abu Salem actually watched all the movies he made. This Sardarji had no answer!
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
I found out the purpose of the Summit on the HT website before making the speech. Here it is for your constipation: “Hindustan Times launched the Leadership Summit - an annual conference that seeks to enhance the level of discussion on pressing issues, encourage interaction among leaders in various areas and present international quality thought platforms, as part of its mission to contribute to thought leadership and evolve action plans for a secure and better future”…phew!
Actually Vir Sanghvi meant: Let us get some good ideas from great thinkers to make things work.
Anyways, I made a good speech. I said “India must walk on two legs for development” this caught the attention of the media. One leg called developing the rural areas will be ignored by the media from tomorrow. India will limp along.
L K Advani said it was essential to end the prevailing cynicism that nothing could be done regarding money power and corruption in the country. Good. First step in this direction will be to build a temple, I bet.
Soniaji said that she will punish Natwar if he is guilt. She will make him a Governor without a state.
2 Kids died in Railway accident. Laloo and Railways have nothing to do with our two legged development. We need not mention this here.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
If you have seen the picture of Mona Das the president of the JNU students union you may see the uncanny resemblance to Mamta. Ok, I know Mamta is not a communist…but isn’t she a general nuisance?
But I did not loose my sleep over this. Jehanabad was the jolt. I am amazed at my inability to do something about a national calamity called Bihar.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Sunday, November 13, 2005
King Dr. Gyanendra who has been awarded a doctorate in literature by Russian Automobile and Highway Institute, also known as the State Technical University said that Nepal is a democratic country. His is the sole vote.
Abu Salem is singing. Looks like Aziz’s wish of seeing the entire Indian film industry in Pakistan will be fulfilled.
So far, Abu has not named a single cop that he has bribed. Likely he had the ministers bribe the cops.
Things are fine in Dhaka. Even the Bangla press is ignoring us.
Saturday, November 12, 2005
We all made lot of speeches in Dhaka. Very poor TRP rating. I stifled a couple of yawns during my own speech. Darn, we should have had Sharukh perform between these speeches. I have suggested to Aziz that next time around we should club it with IIFA awards.
Dr Gyanendra indicated that I should stop shooting my mouth off as Nepal is not a failed state. He has passed the exam of literature by Russian Automobile and Highway Institute, also known as the State Technical University to obtain the Doctorate. Even his aide is giggling.
Anyways, things are fine in Dhaka. We are secured form each other at the SAARC but I did see King Gyanendra lurking outside my door. Aziz is constantly taking calls in the corridor and I overheard “bhai” being mentioned in the conversation. Begum Khaleda Zia and her security entourage remind me of Jaya. More than that I wonder if Begum Khaleda Zia security is to safeguard her or get me. Amazing! We are living in a neighborhood with no friends. President Chandrika Kumaratunga, an experienced terrorist target is feeling the safest here.
I also found out that King Gyanendra has been awarded a doctorate in literature by Russian Automobile and Highway Institute, also known as the State Technical University. I thank God for making me a sardar as the beard hides my uncontrollable monkey grin every time I see Dr Gyanendra.
I will have to call the CBI and the cops in Mumbai and find out if Abu Salem is going to provide information on Volcker report.
Friday, November 11, 2005
I am off to Dhaka for the 13th SAARC summit. This city is like Calcutta. One can experience 1940’s in traffic and politics.
I will be meeting Prime Minister Mr. Aziz. We will discuss the ransom for a Pakistan High Commission official's son who has not been kidnapped. I will call myself Nirbhay Manmohan during this meeting.
I will also be meeting Bangladesh Prime Minister Khaleda Zia. This is little easier then meeting Aziz who has nuclear bombs. I will try to push her around and tell her to stop all the illegal immigrants to settling in Mumbai. Can’t they try Bihar for a change? We may even give them voting rights!
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Ex-President K R Narayanan is dead! Wrong folks keep dieing in India. Yamraj has a dislike for terrorist, corrupt politicians and more corrupt bureaucrats. When will he start picking the scum and leave the good guys around? Maybe after Justice Raghunandan Swarup Pathak, former chief justice of India and former judge of International Court of Justice (ICJ) exonerates Natwar from all the charges made by Volcker (who is definitely not a tank)
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
After this accident in Jharkhand, I am all for declaring Lalu a minister for Railways without trains.
Click here to read the news...better click the Google advertisement for the satire relief fund!
This is politics. See the picture? No, I am not embarrassed!. I was in Bihar and I discussed strategy with Lalu as per The Hindu. Actually, with Natwar becoming a Minister without a ministry, I was exploring if Lalu would like to become Railway Minister without trains? Or may be he would like to become the railway minister for railway stations only? Or just may be he would like to become the minister of Railway Catering Services only so I can have coke in earthen pots (kulhars).
PC (Chidambaram) the architect of making Natwar a minister without a ministry is exploring the possibility of having an IPO without a corporation. Brokers in Mumbai really have taken a liking for this guy. I am impressed with his ingenuity.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Nirbhay Ganguly is fighting to come back into the India team which makes him Nirbhay Nirbhay! Meanwhile Nirbhay Virender Sehwag and Nirbhay Yuvraj may get a call from Nirbhay selectors soon.
I met Samuel J. Palmisano, the Chairman and CEO of IBM. He has great plans for IBM and more interesting plans for IBM in India. He can rest Nirbhay that unless the PM is Nirbhay Comrade Surjit or Nirbhay Comrade Sitaram Yechury he can do business here. He also has to avoid sops from Karnataka government as it is not liked by Nirbhay Deve Gauda.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Volcker is not a car…turning out to be a tank.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Natwar may be with me if he survives Volcker. My personal opinion is that no one should resign over a wrong doing mentioned in an annexure. It is too demeaning to be accused in an annexure. And now it is absolutely certain that Volcker is not an automobile.
It was a quite Sunday. Internet usage is increasing. Most of the folks have a blog for exactly 2 posts. I also noticed that most websites are like Indian postal regulations…last updated when created.
Saturday, November 05, 2005
Called up Laloo to congratulate him on Shahabuddin’s arrest I am impressed with his tenacity. He has still not expelled Mohammed Shahabuddin from his party after the 34 cases and a final arrest. But a lot of folks want me to sack Natwar.
Soniaji dropped in to discuss the developments in Natwar’s case. I have begun to wish that Volker was a name of a car.
I really see no need to sack Natwar. I want to sack all CPI and RJD ministers which I cannot!
Friday, November 04, 2005
Google News does not have much to say about what I did today. My driver’s wife came in to wish me a happy Eid and wanted to know if Natwar will survive. I was very embarrassed and asked her to check with my cook. My cook thinks that Volcker is a car.
I watched some television today. There are some 27 news channels with nothing to report…I am worried.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Got quite a few condolence letters this Diwali! Putin, Bush, Blair, Chirac…the list is endless. All offered their support, sympathy and solidarity in fighting the vicious terrorist who are committed to destroying the free world. Putin forgot to change the date in the letter and it even mentioned Akshardham once. Chirac changed the date and font but the rest of the content was same as the one he had sent after the parliament attack to Atalji. Bush does not have a format which includes the date and location of attack and I can never make out his signature. Blair wrote a fresh letter. He is likely to do a “save as” next time…
By the way, in this post you can see how Bush’s signature looks like. This is the Arabic version. He has kept the English version for Blair only.
A lot of things happening in my nation. Azad became the CM of Kashmir. Now we too have an Azad Kashmir!
Jaya called. She wants Rs 1120 Cr for relief. Rs 1000 CR for relief to the Tamil Film industry and rest to repair roads in Chennai.
BJP wants me to drop Natwar…from what height?
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
These records (check them by clicking here) did not survive Diwali due to Dhoni. Amazing list for a wicket keeper!
Good wishes to all of you. I am proud that the Sensex touched 8000 without one good reason.
Justice Y K Sabharwal was sworn in Chief Justice of India. He will have a good time on the bench…till he is called in to play hard ball on a death penalty case.
I offered the Indian Railway Minister to run the railways in Pakistan.
I reminded him of his famous U Turn. “58 year old President Pervez Musharraf to turn 57 in August 2002 in keeping up with the world policy of taking U turns in the fight against terrorism.”
I am really pissed off!