Saturday, December 31, 2005

Thank you

This is spam. I have received 200 million New Year greetings from people I do not know. They claim to have voted for me.

It was lovely blogging for you beautiful people. I promise to stay insane in the coming years.

My best wishes for 2006. Have a great year,

Friday, December 30, 2005

I am Ravan

Atal Bihari Vajpayee said that henceforth Lal Kishenchand Advani and Pramod Mahajan will be the Ram-Laxman of the party instead of Vajpayee and Advani. I bet I am Ravan since Soniaji will need a gender change for the role.

All the best to all of you for the upcoming last day of the year. Some of you will stagger your way into the new year, some of you will hangover into the new year and some will watch mediocre television programs into the new year. It is also Ok to wake up at 6.00 am on 1st January and make new year resolutions.

All the best guys.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Prime ministerial cleavage

Actor-writer-producer-director and an old bore Dev Anand is ready with yet another film titled "Mr. Prime Minister”. Who is the one woman he has discovered for this flick who will keep showing her cleavage in this movie is all I want to know.

Can I sue this guy? Honestly after such a series of flops he should stop making movies and re-release “Guide” every month.

Sri Lankan President Rajapakse met me. He too has problem with Virgin Tamilian women, all with AK47. Nice chap. I think we should send some soldiers and gun down a few LTTE creeps as a part of the peace process.

Things are so boring around here, I will watch BJP bickering on television tonight.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

All promoters to take up jobs in their own companies

The year 2005 has been a good one for Bollywood. Of the 240 films released, around 17 (less than 10%) made money for their producers and distributors.

Politicians fared better, almost all made money and only Natwar lost his job.

Businesses were doing fine in 2005. Cumulative tax paid by employees exceeded the tax paid by the promoters. Salaries kept increasing tempting all promoters to take up jobs in their own companies.

Investigative journalism also did well. Cameras were all over the place trapping cops, actors, politicians, businessmen and bureaucrats doing what they have been doing since independence. We are still waiting for a corrupt journalist to be caught in camera getting paid to fudge a story.

As a Prime Minister I am not concerned about all this. My concern is with Mahinda Rajapakse who is in India on state visit. My worry is that he will ask me about some obscure Tamil Politician supporting LTTE. He will also ask me to do something about this obscure Tamil Politician. But looks like that will not be the case. I checked out his team. It includes senior ministers A.H.M. Fowzie (transport & petroleum), Jeyeraj Fernandopulle ( trade and highways), Ferial Ashraff (housing), Felix Perera (fisheries), Rohitha Abeygunawardana (overseas employment) and Vadivel Suresh (health). Wonderful…this is a team I can chat economics with for hours. Screw LTTE!

MBA- Master of Business Attitude

In the year 2006, I plan to request Dholakia to start the following courses in IIM-A

MBA – Master of business Attitude for Marwari businessmen
MBA – Master of business Aesthetics for all shopkeepers including the panwalal
MBA – Master of business Aptitude for all Bengali communist
MBA – Master of business Action for all government babus
MBA – Master of business Abstain for all politicians
MBA – Master of business Alleviation to all Tobacco and booze companies
MBA – Master of business Advertising to Reliance Telecom
MBA – Master of business Allocation to all backward classes

The list is long…I have work to do and miles to go before I sleep. Quite a few list have to be made before the year ends…


Monday, December 26, 2005

The fog has cleared

The fog has cleared in Delhi. We can get the reform process on track again. But PC told me that they have 24 x 7 fog in West Bengal. I hope this fog clears too.

The entire media, including the virgin Khushboo Tamil media is analyzing the year 2005 that is headed for completion. My cook told me that it was a stable year with regular train, climatic and moral disasters. I will check this out later.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Administrative control of UAE

The 14 day hiatus dried up a few of my grey cells. It is likely that the freshness of this blog will be like a vegetarian eating Sushi. Get Ready.

Just found that 30% India Inc is owned by foreigners. After so much effort I was under the impression that it would be more. May be they have not considered the disinvestment of the foreign policy in computing this figure. I will call up Montek and check it out. Montek is also a Sardarji, you may have noticed. Also, 100% of the PC operating systems in India are owned by Billbhai. Was this included in this computation? We also have a foreign investment in the Armed forces. Most of the stuff is Russian, dilapidated, has no resale value and is yet unpaid for. Does this make it a foreign investment? I have not yet been able to figure out the complex financial maneuvering which was designed by likes of Harshad Mehta to pay for this Russian stuff. This is even after I am a Sardarji Economist Prime Minister.

Rajnath is slated to head BJP. PC Chidambaram told me that he is a serious contender as he has a better accent than Venkaiah Naidu. In my opinion, they should try Advani. He can resign every 3 months.

Chief Minister Oommen Chandy of Kerala met me. He suggested that the government should allocate Rs 374 crore for road connectivity and Rs 246 crore for rail connectivity to Kerala in the next Central budget. He offered me a genuine massage with exclusive oils and 10% reduction in sex flicks in return. He also wanted a revival package for public sector undertaking FACT and a Rs 700 crore expansion programme for Hindustan Newsprint Ltd. For this he offered complete administrative control of UAE. I refused as I am quite shy and a Honest Sardarji Economist Prime Minister.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

How to become a Sardarji Economist Prime Minister

I have been deblogging… which is the prime ministerial term for being occupied with issues which cannot be blogged. Namely sheer lethargy, preoccupation with Ganguly’s selection, expelling MP’s etc…

A 14 day break has given me very fresh ideas on how to blog about the secrets of this nation.

Anyways, I am back. Merry Christmas. Stay Sober from 24th December 2005 to 1st January 2006 and you may become a Sardarji Economist Prime Minister.  

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Meet CII

Soniaji turned 60. Congress will soon turn to Rahul. I will turn to the Himalayas. She spent her birthday with the victims of the earthquake in Kashmir. I spent her Birthday with victims of Volcker-quake.

I met President Kalam and apprised him of my discussions in Moscow. He wanted to know the circulation of Sputnik Magazine. This was one bit of information I did not get along with nuclear reactor and fuel.

I am going to the ASEAN Business and Investment Summit 2005, to be held in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Guess who is accompanying me! With me will be CII President Mr. Deveshwar, Arun Bharat Ram, Past President, CII and CMD, SRF Limited, Dilip Gaur, President and Country Head, Pan-Century Edible Oils Sdn Bhd, Ravi Kastia, Business Head and Group Executive President, Essel Mining and Industries Ltd (Aditya Birla Group), Umang Sharma, Director and CEO, Bry Air Malaysia Sdn Bhd, Kamal Karanthm, Chief Executive Officer, Mafoi Management Consultants Asia Pacific Pte Ltd and N Srinivasan, Director General, CII.

Amazing list for the Confederation of India Industries! All seem like foreigners to me. May be I will invite Mittal or Ambani along. They cannot refuse me, I am the PM you see?

Friday, December 09, 2005

Desi babus to face a firing squad!

I just came across the charges against Anjali Gupta. She was found guilty in an IAF court Martial yesterday.

• Obtaining road transport allowance of Rs 1,080 with a false statement.
• Claiming train fare for travel by Rajdhani Express from Bangalore to Delhi, when she actually used a service aircraft.
• Claiming road transport allowance for July 7, 2004 for travel from the Aircraft Systems and Testing Establishment to Headquarters Training Command despite being posted to the training command in May, 2005
• Behavior unbecoming of an officer in throwing a breakfast parcel meant for a senior officer.
• Not reporting for physical training
• Not reporting for ordered duty on four days in Jan 2004
• Not reporting for duty on another occasion

As you know, I am just a Sardarji Economist, but I am certain that 70% of our bureaucrats behave like this and the balance are even worst. Most likely they would have faced the firing squad in IAF.

Sehwag down with fever, but he will not be admitted to Lilavati hospital since he is in Delhi. Hospital management in Mumbai is visibly upset but is hopeful that Akshay Kumar will sprain his toe in the next few days.

I am the PM; I should not bother with this trivia. But I cannot resist it.

According to the latest FDI Confidence Index, prepared by global management consulting firm AT Kearney, India is now second only to China in the FDI attractiveness ranking, scoring 1.951 on a scale of 0-3. There is some difference between confidence and real money. Most of our Industrialist have confidence in India and money in Swiss Accounts.

Finally, please note that the chick below is representing our nation at the Miss World pageant. I wish her the best. Her name is Sindhura Gadde.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Lilavati Hospital now a film studio

Lilavati Hospital in Mumbai may be converted to a film studio. John Abraham joins Big B there.

Well, I did watch NDTV last evening. Gates and Narayana together were good enough for me to have blood rush up to my cheeks and make my beard glow. Great guys! Democracy does not mean endless debates to procrastinate decisions said Narayana. Interesting thought! Most of our parliamentarians think this is the primary purpose of a debate.

I hope Volcker is following the fall out of his report. Do you have his email address? I would love to meet this guy when I visit US. I will introduce him to Lalu, Amar, Mulayam, Paswan, Thackeray…there are so many options for him.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Indian Airlines is Indian, looks so alien

Great! I am back. Natwar met me at the airport and handed me his resignation and the balance coupons. Food coupons for the Parliament cafeteria!

I saw an aircraft from a new Airline called Indian at the Airport. Looked so new and fresh till I saw the strongly built lady who seemed to be a senior citizen ushering passengers at the aircraft door. Indian Airlines is now Indian! Did they pay any agency to come up with such an original name? Will have to check this with Praful!

Are we sure this chap Mathrani is not a musician? I heard he sang in front of the ED.

Any way I am back and the stink makes me feel great.

Russian mafia easier to tackle!

I can stay here for a vacation now. Natwar has resigned in my absence. He is no longer a minister without a ministry. I had to spend the entire morning explaining this to the maid from room service.

Moscow State University made me `Professor honoris causa'. This means I get to become a Professor just because I am Sardarji Economist Prime Minister.

I called for cooperation between Russia and India in all knowledge based sectors. We both have great knowledge of Mafia, terrorism and corruption. We also have good knowledge of beautiful tennis players.

I told President Putin that Russian mafia is easier to tackle. They cannot stay in Karachi since they speak only Russian. We need a couple of Nuclear reactors and some fuel for our Tarapur unit, I told Putin. He responded in the diplomaticole dialect of Russian. I will find out what he meant when I am back.
I am excited about meeting Bill Gates when I address the opening session of the partners meet organized by the Global Alliance for Vaccines and Immunisation. Bill Gates is also into Software business.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Victory in Vietnam, by Richard M. Nixon

Lots of interesting things happening back home! I will have to hurry up with my work here.

Natwar has promised to quit as soon as I return. We have job for him in Croatia.

Please note that Ambassador Methrani of Croatia is not connected with the music industry. He is connected with the Iraqi food for oil program only.

Bhais and bahubali depicted by Sharukh et al will no longer be able to smoke on screen. They will smoke after the shot is complete.

NDTV is brining Narayana and Gates together on TV! I cannot miss this. I will be also meeting Bill Gates but that will not be as exciting as watching a TV program. Incidentally, a colleague pointed out the uncanny resemblance in the looks and profession of Harry Porter and Bill Gates.

Putin is expected to gift me copies of interesting books. These were gifted to him by Prime Minister Blair. I have seen them listed as bestsellers on Ironic Times
  • Victory in Iraq, by George W. Bush
  • Victory in Vietnam, by Richard M. Nixon
  • Victory in Vietnam, by Lyndon B. Johnson
  • Victory in Vietnam, by John F. Kennedy
  • Victory in Korea, by Harry S. Truman.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Cold in Russia

I am in Russia. It’s quite cold. Thank god for the turban, at least my head is warm. Uma is a hot head; she would have the similar advantage here. Oops…Uma has nothing to do with Russia.

In Russia, I am feeling quite international. Someone asked me my opinion about the Saddam trial. I answered “Natwar is innocent till…oops…Saddam trial has resumed?”

Anyway, someone wanted to know who killed Hamza Rabia. Someone important getting killed in India and I am not aware! But this too was an oops. He is the Al Queda No 3 who got killed by an American missile which was fired by nobody.

I have to keep reminding myself that the Russians do not need our call centers or software developers. I do not want an oops. With National Security Adviser M K Narayanan, Principal Secretary T K Ayyappankutty Nair, Atomic Energy Commission Chairman Anil Kakokdar and ISRO Chairman G Madhavan Nair it is unlikely that I will sell a call center here.

I have no senior ministers accompanying me. They are back home fighting Volcker for me. Till then I am the economist Sardarji who is out to buy guns and nuclear reactors. All for peaceful purpose and better economic cooperation.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Do not know anyone other than Putin

I am off to Russia to buy guns. I will have Pranab defend me in the parliament. After all he is the defense minister. Advaniji will never figure out his Bonglish.

Natwar met me. He will not resign. I will use the guns I get from Russia on him. CPI/M likes me to use anything I get from Russia.

I just heard that the PCB chief said that Indo-Pak matches are getting stale. We should have intermittent wars to keep the sponsors interested.

Meanwhile, I am trying to find out if I know anyone other than Putin in Russia.

Hospitalization Duytiya

Amitabh’s hospitalization “duytiya” is being extensively covered by the media who have no clue about his actual condition. But I know, like most of Indians he was working hard with an unhealthy diet. This is the heart and intestine of the problem. Hope he gets well soon.

Volcker is back. Uma’s prayers are being fulfilled, BJP as its handful. Padyatra Safal?

US Government paid the Iraqi media to plant “good stories” about them in newspapers. The good stories indicated that how prisoners in Abu Ghraib prisoners enjoyed sex…safe sex, as none of the predators have tested HIV positive. All prisoners also got an opportunity to model for the American media.

Blogging is increasing in India. Most of the people continue to read their own blog. I too continue to read mine regularly.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Safe sex

I spoke about safe sex. Media liked it, a Sardarji economist talking about sex. Even if sex is safe it need not be on TV said Sharmilaji.

Amitabh is in the hospital, front page, TV and hearts of a billion people. He did not give his opinion on safe sex from the ICU.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Sahara for Amitabh

I really like Mr. Amitabh. I have seen him in Deewar. I have also seen him in Sholay. I have also seen him in Coolie. But mostly I have seen him with Amar Singh. I hope he gets well from all his ailments. All SAHARA is with him.