Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Wal-Mart store in Kolkatta

I have decided to ignore the communist parties while they are pissed off at the American Ambassador to India. The ambassador favored FDI in retail, changes in the FDI cap in the insurance sector and removal of hurdles to foreign banks. I too favor the same things. Will I get his job after I quit as the PM?

If we get the first Wal-Mart store in Kolkatta the communist will shut up about David Campbell Mulford.

If I initiate talks with Musharraf of demilitarizing Siachen will Pakistan agree to loose the test match?

Sunday, January 29, 2006

MEA: Ministry for Engaging Americans

Had a good swearing session! We avoided all the Bihari explicits. Is “explicits” proper English?

It is going to be more fun with a cabinet shuffled. I have retained the MEA, Ministry for Engaging Americans. It is also called Ministry of External Affairs. We use this term when a king from some tin pot fundamentalist American supported democratic kingdom visits us. I may allocate a minister for the second definition of MEA.

I heard someone took a hat-trick this morning and dropped Ganguly. The left does not like liberalization of Indian cricket.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Bihari Sardar

Ok. How come Buta is a Sardar? This is embarrassing. A Bihari Sardar! This state has strange effect on people.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Sanitize your word documents

I got this from NASA. How to sanitize your word documents! Why do you think NASA sent this to me? Here, check this..click here

Saturday, January 21, 2006


I am changing the keyboard and mouse on my PC and things are bound to get better on this blog. Karnataka is changing the CM. Things will be worst there.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Karnataka's new CM- Kaunanna?

I was always under the impression that IT industry was running Karnataka. Where did this Dharam Singh come in? Oh he is a Soniaji’s appointee! Really?

But 46-year-old H D Kumaraswamy, Kumaranna to those close to him and “Kaun-anna?” to all in Delhi took advice from his astrologer who told him that it was time! I think he took advice from M Venkaiah Naidu.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Models for convergence

I will lay the foundation stone of the new Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI) headquarters at Lodhi Road. I though it was the right time to do something symbolic. We may use Italian Marble for the flooring later but building is on an Indian foundation.

Passengers aboard an Indian Airlines flight from Delhi escaped when the aircraft's both rear right tires burst during landing at Patna’s Jaya Prakash Narayan Airport. Nitish was glad. Laloo requested all passengers to try the railways. They cannot escape it. Patna police is very glad they escaped. They say that anyone that escapes anything in Patna is welcome.

I spoke at the golden jubilee celebrations of the Faculty of Management Studies at the Delhi School of Economics. I told them "Being the best in India is good, but not good enough. You must be on par with the best in the world." Terrific thought. I sometimes wonder when I say stuff like this which a school teacher in Municipal school, Mumbai’s Municipal Commissioner, BCCI chief and Ram Gopal Verma also say, do I make any impact?

Burns is here to discuss the nuclear separation. Burns and Saran make quite a pair. They could model for convergence of two different worlds.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Looking for Comedy in the Muslim world

I have recommended the following people should watch this movie; it is called Looking For Comedy In The Muslim World.
  • Syed Shahbuddin
  • Maulayam Singh
  • Shekar Suman
  • Bal Thackeray
  • Iman of Jumma Masjid
  • Ashok Singhal
  • Togadia
It took an American to make a movie like this. We have still not made a movie called Looking For Comedy In The Sardars World…which is mainly in Canada.

I just can’t help but like Americans! “Looking for Comedy in the Muslim world”…ha ha ha…and by the way it is not debasing the Muslims in anyway.I also liked the Indian born Congressman Bobby Jindal. He came to meet me the other day. The meeting was about saying nice things which do not mean much. But the boyish looks with intelligence impressed me. If he fails in American politics Bollywood will lap him up.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

A Link

Blog Listings

Quattrocchi to maintain balance in accounts

Quattrocchi’s London’s BSI AG Bank Account Numbers: 5A51516L and 5A51516M contain £ 100.93 and £ 105.00. He is expected to get a notice from the bank to maintain a minimum balance of £ 500.00. He is also expected to get a notice from CBI to maintain a balance of three million and one million euros in the accounts respectively. They plan to refreeze the accounts within the coming two months.

Most of the people know that I had nothing to do with this. Quite similar to Lalu not driving the train which kills hundreds!

As a respected Economist Sardarji Prime Minister I too will be forgiven. But one need not be a respected Economist Sardarji Prime Minister to be forgiven. One can be a dumb selfish political bigot Minister and be forgiven.

Amazing India!
Prime Minister of Ireland Bertie Ahern is here. Went to Bangalore first! Then he will visit Infosys. Oh! Oops Infosys is still in Bangalore! He may meet me. I am not sure….or he is just going to meet Premji and leave?

Monday, January 16, 2006

My instruction to my staff

Ottavio Quattrocchi, select, right click, click add to dictionary in MS Word. I think I am not going to hear the end of this. Not this life time.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Peace process to be like Lahore wicket

I may visit Pakistan if all the wickets are like the Lahore pitch. Slow and flat where everyone can make runs.This is how the Indo-Pak peace process should be. A happy draw with all players happy!

The sponsors of sports and terrorism both seem to dislike this.

Amar cannot tap Mumbai Marathon

Amar Singh should be tapping the potential of the Mumbai Marathon by running there today. But one look at the logo of the marathon and one can guess why he is not doing this.Meanwhile I have requested the CBI to respond to the following:
  1. How he has contributed into the development of India

  2. Other than knowing Big - A (Anil Ambani), Big - B (Bachchan), Big - C (Chaturvedi)…till Big S (Subroto Roy) and attending parties with them what does he do?

  3. What information does he have that will interest Soniaji?

  4. Is there anything in the conversation tapped so far that will help me accelerate the reform process?

  5. Is this about sex?

  6. Is he actually a communist?

  7. Why is the media so excited about his phone tap?

I do not like this Sunday. It feels like a Monday.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Kerry come calling

Met Kerry! You know the reason he lost the election? He is too intelligent. People usually tend to vote for nitwits. I told him we had plenty of evidence of this in our parliament.

I told him that caste, creed, race and color have nothing to do with our nuclear program. These things are mainly connected to arranged marriages. Sometimes the structure used for arranging marriages is also used by politicians for some minor benefits.

We also spoke about Pakistan and China. India is unique in more than one way. It has nuclear weapons to the right, nuclear weapons to the left and nuclear weapons at home. Kerry said he too liked poetry by Tennyson

He left without telling me much. I hope we are headed in the right direction.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Amar Gate

Now is the time to tap Amar Singh's phone. Would love to find out what he is up to! Need to find out how this is done. Should I call the CBI? Or should I call Anil? I will ask my wife. She is good at this tapping thing...BANG!...no she is not. She slammed me out of the room. Who else can help me with this? Nixon! Oops but he is dead. I think I will have to really scratch my turban.

What will the media call this? Amar Gate!

Monday, January 09, 2006

Untapped potential

Janata Party President Dr Subramanian Swamy is going to the high court complaining that his phone was not tapped. Insulting a leading politician like this is not fare on the part of Soniaji.

Traveling Pakistani Day

Just heard that there is a “Traveling Pakistani Day” in Lahore. RAW wanted permission to monitor it at a cost of Rs 30 Cr. CBI said it has obtained a sponsorship from Bollywood’s anti-piracy cell to monitor the event. CIA is also excited; they may even shoot a few guys there.The entire Pakistani cricket team will also participate as travelling pakistanis.

One big worrisome thing that came out of the “Pravasi Bhatritya Diwas” was the power of Modi and his Gujarat. Even the media could not say that it was all because of his communal bias. How will I explain this to secular Soniaji? The other problem is that Modi is a better orator then Reddy, Deshmukh, Nitish, Azad etc put together. I live in contradictions. On one hand I have secular communist who hate development and on the other we have a smart communal democratic powerhouse.

You know what is the real worry about Gujarat? It is progressing without IT and BPO industry as the mainstay in the growth. It uses call centers rather then build one. How does this communal Government do it?

I have told the NRI’s residing in Middle East that they can vote in India. A mistake! Staying in Saudi they are sure to vote for BJP here. Even if they practice Islam!

Listing to FICCI secretary general Dr Amit Mitra rattle off terrific statistics about India reminded me of how weather is reported at weather.com, temperature is 4° C but feels like 6° C….this feel factor is a key to inaction.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Virgin Tap

Jaya says her phone was tapped. CBI discontinued it after finding her English too bookish and the conversations virgin of intellect. She really thinks she matters a lot...size and otherwise. She only matters to get seats in TN.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Swami Ramdev offered a job in the economic intelligence wing

I do not like phone tapping. Even if it is Amar Singh speaking with Big B about Sahara and it is all about finance. I made this clear to my wife who has been listening on to my conversations with Soniaji.

I visited Andaman and Nicobar Islands. We need to provide more support to the tsunami victims. Next time I will club it with my support to Indonesia. And anyone wants to remind me that India is a vast country they need not take me to Andaman. I know this.

Naukri.com is starting a reality show on TV 18. Mr. Sunil Alag will select a candidate for a real job. You too can apply. He too should find an interesting job.

Swami Ramdev has figured out that Brinda Karat, the insane communist, represents the interests of multinationals. He should be in our economic intelligence wing! PC has not stopped laughing since the last two days. Says Ramdev thinks with his tummy!

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Seen his CV?

Darn. No one checked with me before inviting this chap! Have you seen his credentials? Amazing! He is the chief guest at our Republic Day Parade. He is also a king. His next stop may be Guantanamo Bay,Israel…even if it is in Cuba it is In Israel!

Bandwidth Quota

We are disinvesting from the public sector so that the private sector gets an equal opportunity. The private sector should look at giving opportunity to our vote banks since we can no longer give this opportunity to them.

I inaugurated the 93rd Indian Science Congress. Here I called for the second green revolution. The urban – rural divide is to be reduced by reserving half of the national internet bandwidth for use in rural areas only!

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Interest investors in making losses

Left opposes divestment in profitable PSUs, we have to make then terribly loss making units to interest investors.

I will inaugurate a $85 million rural business park and exhibition centre near the national capital on Jan 6 to help artisans tap global markets through international expositions. I need $ 300 million each year to get customers to this place.

Japan Foreign Minister Taro Aso is reaching here today. A good friendly visit for bilateral consultations. Actually it is about the UN Security Council expansion. He will also to request people of India to switch from IPod to Sony. He also wants to let people of Mumbai know that Sony Mony has nothing to do with Japan. It is all about Mony brother!

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Churchill Al Capone

As a Prime Minister I always knew that we are no where near becoming a super power. Now even Shah Rukh Khan knows about this. I am amazed when some of the well traveled journalist prophesies that India will be a superpower when we have not managed to provide drinking water to most of our peoples.

India and Pakistan exchanged a list of nuke installation and facilities. We have decided not to bomb these when we are at war. Both of us claim that this list is not available with the US.

Churchill wanted Gandhi to starve to death. I tried to imagine a fat, cigar smoking wartime Prime Minister saying this in a cabinet meeting. Oops he was also bald. And looked more like Al Capone. I will have to imagine this idiot carefully next time such news surfaces.

We will continue using Windows

5 things which make a difference and we will not do this year…not in India, not anywhere.

  1. Question the need and modernization of religions

  2. Dismantle and do away with factories making cigarettes

  3. Start the human responsibility commission to balance the human rights commission

  4. Stop doing all things which we regret doing the next day.

  5. Laugh 365 times more than we did last year

We will also continue using Windows.