Friday, March 31, 2006

English loose in adverse circumstances

Surprise, Orissa Assembly, Jarkhand Assembly and Haryana Cricket Association have a lot in common. Pandemonium!

In today’s cricket match, the scribes were in for a shock! There was no power in the press box! Internet could not be accessed for an hour after the start of the match. The English media wanted to know how they could win matches in such adverse circumstances!

Orissa Assembly - day to day business!

Blame it on Rio!

Finally some good news at the end of the year! I will get a chance to visit Brazil. I may take Rahul along. G3, or India-Brazil-South Africa (IBSA) forum meeting hopes to successfully forge a path ahead for the developing economies. If we fail, we can always blame it on Rio!

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Bank on Monday

Have finished greeting the nation on the festive occasion of Ugadi, Chaitra Sukladi, Gudi Padava and Cheti Chand. I told then “these festivals heralding the New Year reflect the hopes and aspirations of the people”

We have about 370 new years in India each year. Tiwari my cook has started wishing me “Happy New Year” each morning. Sometimes he wishes me the same twice a day!

Ok! Happy new years folks! You may visit your favorite public sector bank on Monday!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Visit Rae Bareli for justice!

Sonia asks Rae Bareli for justice reports” The Tribune. She can also ask for justice from Bellary if Rae Bareli fails to provide justice! After this sympathy wave fogs the brains of the Indian electorate will she want to be the PM? I am not asking. My cook Tiwari suggested this.

Will someone update me on the state of the poor man who divorced in his sleep? Getting divorced while sleeping is a bigger constitutional crises then the “office of profit” issue! Can we arrest the guy who suggested separation between the couple and remarriage after this “sleeping divorce”? Will Soniaji say something about this?

My peace overture has been welcomed by Pakistan. Pakistan has said that the “Peace Treaty” could be possible only after the resolution of the Kashmir issue. Or If Ms Rice tells them to sing the treaty! "Whichever happens first" said Khurshid Mahmood Kasuri.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Royal strip-tease

Yechury is planning to offer consulting service to the striking French workers! SPO. No marks for guessing what “S” represents.

You all know that I am a fair, honest, secular, economist, Sardarji Prime Minster. I am also not Italian. This sleeping divorce episode is repulsive! But I am going to sleep through this issue as it involves a vote bank!

Met the Sanyo President, Mr.Toshimasa Lue! He feels Indian market for consumer electronics in exploding. I am a bit sensitive to the word explode, but I let it pass.

“The heir to Britain's throne Prince Charles and his wife the Duchess of Cornwall showed their respect for Sikhism on Tuesday by kneeling and kissing the floor of one of the religion's holiest shrines in the foothills of the Himalayas” Reports CNN. Wow! Sikhism is honored! They also heard some Sikh music. The music is also honored. The report further stated “Charles and Camilla took off their shoes and secured their head scarves before entering the temple behind two white sheets erected as a screen.”! The royals’ taking of their shoes is like a strip tease?

Dance Dravid Dance!


Does Bollywood portray the real India? I do not know, but I do not think we should expect Dravid to dance during the handing over ceremony at the Commonwealth games. I think he may do it if it was sponsored by Bank of Baroda. And they do not even play cricket at these games!

I like the praise that the Chinese Government is getting from many Industry leaders across the globe. We too want to be like them, authoritarian and development focused. We also would like to imprison a couple of businessmen. Maybe hang a few. We too want our press to shut up about Soniaji. We too want Google to show the results we want. Also, I do not want you to decide whether I have my job or not!

We too want to hold an office of profit!

In return we will give you Shanghai!


Monday, March 27, 2006

Patent no #D4787-HALO-7000980

Muthahida Majlis Amal (MMA) General Secretary Maulana Fazlur Rehman asks Musharraf to follow Sonia's example.

Soniajii has decided to patent her actions to stop them from international plagiarism. Patent no #D4787-HALO-7000980 is pending. Anyone taking high moral ground and resigning may first read this patent.

Good Morning!

Good Morning, welcome to the new week. BJP, CPI and even my Congress colleagues have promised to make this week exciting. I am praying that they don’t!

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Prince Charles and an “Office of Profit”

Got a call from Prince Charles. He too wanted to know what was an “Office of Profit”. The Prince is here for a week. He will learn.

Met the Iranian Vice-President Rahim Mashaee. He wears clothes designed by the same fashion designer who does work for Hamas. Anyway, as a Sardarji Economist Prime Minister this is not a point which I have to worry about.

Vice-President Rahim told me that the entire developed world are biased against Iran. Like in days when US wanted to invade Iraq, they saw a similarity in the clothes of Saddam and leader of Hamas.

I asked him about the price of oil. He asked me if I will stand up for him. My personal strategy about Iran is simple. We do not know the truth but we will work in the interest of India.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Airtel plan for Musharraf

I had an official notification issued to all Congress MPs. I will not let anyone who has surreptitiously taken an “office of profit” after Soniajis resignation resign as MP from Parliament. There is some limit to taking moral high ground. Is the congress party going to be called Airtel! There has to be some limit.

Continuing with lifetime-prepaid offer, I have offered General Musharraf a lifetime peace plan.

Nanakana Sahib- Where the bus is headed!


Friday, March 24, 2006

Small satellites into space via a single Pegasus XL rocket


After a short delay, NASA finally launched three small satellites into space via a single Pegasus XL rocket. NASA hopes that the new satellites will provide enhanced weather prediction and pave the way for more thorough analysis of the Earth's magnetosphere. Additional coverage, including videos of the launch can be found here. All images are courtesy of NASA.

Microsoft's Sinofsky Leaves Office For One With Windows!

South Park has last word in row over Scientology

SA, India signs maritime agreement

And if you are expecting me to blog about Soniaji’s resignation, I am not! It is a non event! Any person with integrity, patriotism, concern for the poor and Italian origins would have done this right thing.

All our options are open. Indian Express’s headline that says “Sonia sees profit by quitting office” is very mean!

Darn! I have blogged about it!

NASA has also….

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Brave, Sincere, White and was Italian

Soniaji resigned. She is a brave, sincere, white and was Italian. And I remain an Economist Sardarji who has still to figure out politics of this nation.

CEOs will be kept in dark

Whose bright idea was this to get Jaya thrown out of the Rajya Sabha? It is definitely an act of a highly motivated sycophant of Soniaji. This means any member of the congress party.


Business Standard reports “The visit of Bangladesh Prime Minister Khaleda Zia today ended on a cordial note even though several issues that have soured relations between India and Bangladesh still remain unresolved.” Actually, we have threatened her and she is mighty upset. She has threatened us by saying they will remain the way they are if we do not change!

Intel capital's 7th annual global CEO summit will be in Mumbai. All attending CEOs will be kept in dark…Mumbai may not have electricity in May. We can keep saying that we are a flourishing democratic economy and in darkness, nobody will notice the reality!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Water and Terrorism.

World Water Day, today. Only the Karnataka government has noticed this. Maharashtra wants it to be called the world electricity day, in Maharashtra.

I, in my talks with Bangladesh Prime Minister Khaleda Zia will consider water and terrorism. Whenever anyone meets me, we speak about terrorism. It can be energy and terrorism, democracy and terrorism or like today, water and terrorism.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Energy co-operation is high on the Global agenda!

Energy co-operation is high on the Global agenda. China – Russia will now have energy co-operation to keep a check on US – India energy co-operation. The US-India energy cooperation was a result of the proposed Iran-India energy cooperation. But before that there was a Pakistan-North Korea energy cooperation which sparked of the need for energy co-operation in all areas!

People crowded the streets, shouted slogans, wept and burned effigy of Prime Minister Begum Khaleda Zia claiming that she supports terrorist who have bombed innocent citizens in India!


No! This did not happen! I know. This can only happen if you draw a goddess nude or make a cartoon of Mohammed. Human lives in a country of billion? Humans do not count!

Should I discuss energy cooperation with Prime Minister Begum Khaleda Zia?

PC pointed out that only way to stop the infiltration of unemployed Bangladeshi is to make investment to generate more employment. What can these guys do other than pulling rickshaws? Bar dancers suggested one of the scribes from the back left corner of the room which is hidden from the surveillance cameras!



Maderessa of Scientology


Church of Scientology is now Maderessa of Scientology! I am impressed that in this Maderessa we have Taliban like Tom Cruise and John Travolta!

I will visit the Gurudwara today and then start reading the history of RBI that I just released. Some of it I created!

Monday, March 20, 2006

Any information on India - A Google Search

Try searching "any information on india"on Google
Your first result is "Dental India Members Forum Topics 21-40 1-20 41-60 61 onwards ..."

Try searching "information on India" on Google. Your first result is CIA - The World Factbook -- India.

But Indian government can trace Dawood through this engine!

Venkatesh, thank you for your input on the last 2 posts. Usually, Prime Ministers do not blog like this!

How Google China can help FBI

US federal judge ruled Friday that Google Inc. has to provide the U.S. government with information about its search engine's index, but denied a request for a sample of search queries.


The US government will now make the same request through the Chinese government. Success chances are higher. Google complies with request from the Chinese government!

My best friends are Muslims!

Venkatesh, my first official valet gave me the press clipping with Raj Thackeray’s picture addressing a rally in Shivaji Park as the paperweight. I hope he remains heavy enough in future. I read the transcript of the speech. Right noise. No music.

Whenever I say, “some of my best friends are Muslims” I go into an introspective trance to find out why I said this!

C. Raja Mohan has read too much into Khalida Zia’s visit. It is not very complicated. We were too busy with Parvez and hence could not meet often. If Khalida is upset, I will apologize. Provided she stops the infiltration across the border.

Scientology!

Scientology is one religion we do not need in India. This is one technology we do not want from US.

Good Morning to India. I hope the country does well this week.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Suppose We Just Let Iran Have the Bomb!

Got this one from the intellectuals. Made me think. This thinking is a dangerous business. Suppose We Just Let Iran Have the Bomb!

Danish PM's picture

I have requested the Danish Prime Minister to postpone his visit to India.

Singh, my security guard wanted to know the reason behind this step. I told him it was due to a cartoon about me in a Danish newspaper depicting me as a crazy Indian PM with nuclear arsenal aimed at Pakistan and fuel to the arsenal being supplied by Russia.

Singh is a persistent sort of a guy and still could not figure out why the Danish PM’s visit is being postponed. I told him that a Danish Newspaper had a cartoon of Advaniji lighting a fuse of an explosive below the Babri Majid years back.

Singh wanted to know if the PM was the cartoonist like Bal Thackeray? And he is most welcome to draw cartoons here! I reminded him I am the PM and I will determine who will draw the cartoons here.

But he still wanted to know why the Danish PM visit is in jeopardy. I told him that a Danish cartoonist has shown RJD MP Shahbuddin as MP Shahbuddin.

He is still wondering why the Danish PM is not coming.

Venkatesh has collected all the cartoons from R K Lakshman so that we can identify which countries I cannot visit.

Danish Prime Minister Anders Fogh Rasmussen's is not coming. I will draw his cartoon here!

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Vote Bank v/s Vote Bank

I have still not figure out which vote bank is fighting which vote bank in Navi Mumbai. Will someone help?

I am inaugurating Asia Society's 16th Asian Corporate Conference at Grand Hyatt in Mumbai today. I will have to again tell the head honchos of the corporate world, this time form 23 countries that Indian has a great potential.

“How to have infrastructure so that Mumbaikars do not defecate on railway tracks” is the topic I will be discussing. Also defecating cows, sheep and men on the roadside is also high on the corporate agenda!

Friday, March 17, 2006

West Bengal, Industry?


Somnath Chatterjee spent thousands of dollars in developing a minibar when at the helm of affairs at WBIDC (West Bengal Industrial Development Corporation). The result was an unaccounted expense of $8,525, a news article on the BBC website and still no industry in West Bengal!

I have not yet figured out who is fighting whom in Navi Mumbai. Tiwari, will you please help me with this?

Russian PM and I had an energetic discussion. We shall have power!

Amma wants unity of all Tamils' Including those who she has jailed!

'Amma wants unity of all Tamils' Including those who she has jailed!

Thursday, March 16, 2006

My relationship with Basu

My relationship with the communists is improving. China is expected to overtake USA as India's largest trading partner in a year. We are buying Russian uranium. The Russian Prime Minister is here. Yechury and his cronies have not spoken ill about me for the last few days.

Do the communist in India play holi? I will have to find out from Basu. Even a Chaterrji or Mukherjee can help in answering this. Or Maybe I should find out from Chatopadhya, Gangopadhya, Banerjee or Saha. Or should I try a Roy?

CPI (M) Holi-day!!! Thrice monthly in West Bengal!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Russian uranium approved by CPI

American do not want us to get Russian Uranium !. CPI says it is more suitable for our nation then American stuff. The French uranium is liked by the Samajwadi party. I like the Russian Uranium till I get the American stuff. I also like the Australian Uranium. But Australia is mypoic unless they are playing cricket of hosting games!

Happy Holi.

Golf Anonymous

South Korean prime minister resigns over golf scandal. Becomes the founder member of Golf Anonymous…which is expected to be the richest anonymous body! Indians can feel safe. I have never ever played golf. In India, the prime Minister is into horse trading! We play polo!

Trust Pak Tribune

I did not know what our country was up to till I read this from the Pak Tribune

I trust Pak Tribune; it is very selective in getting hold of authors who are pro Pakistan, anti US or India. This one is even seems to be a Hindu. They are still searching for a Jew!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Indian Idol

Anyone noticing any similarity between Indian elections and India Idol? I will have to check with Tiwari.  

Russian Nights in Mumbai

Russia to fuel Tarapur Nuclear reactor with Uranium…and controversy. Mumbai will now have Russian Nights!

Dhokla


Tiwari (my cook) cooked Dhokla this morning. He wanted to remind me of Zaheera and her fear to return to Gujarat. My wife ate the dhokla, it reminded her of Amabani. She is the wife of the economist Sardarji prime minister and financial ramifications of Dhokla come first. Venkatesh pointed out that Dhokla were not involved in the software industry. Singh wanted to have paneer Dhokla.

I will sack Tiwari if he makes dhokla again!

Monday, March 13, 2006

Anil Ambani second richest


Anil Ambani second richest in India. IIM – Bangalore graduate Subramanian, at No 1 slot!

Cabinet Changes

I am in a mighty philosophical mood today. I have requested Humphrey, my cook, to change his name to Tiwari. He will now belong to the Hindu heartland.

My personal assistant and valet’s name is now Ventakesh. Somehow I could not find a more South Indian conservative name demonstrating a pure mathematical understanding of South India.

My house servant is now Ramu Kaka. He has been Ramu Kaka since Rajesh Khanna called Ramu Kaka in “Anand”! His age group permits him to call me Kaka but for the sake of maintaining interest I will call him Kaka.

My security guard changed his name to Singh. It was Singh earlier too! But since all have changed their names, and he being a Sardarji, I could not restrained him from changing his name. Singh is Singh now!
There are no other changes in the cabinet.

The Hangam continues!

Speed

Graduates from IIM – ABC…Ahmedabad, Bangalore, Calcutta get record salaries, South Africa – Australia play a record breaking match, India win the cricket match against England, I meet the prime minister of NokiaAir India plane makes an emergency landing…all passengers and crew fine…phew!
Humphrey has put in an official requisition for a mobile television. Says he has to be updated. I think I will reject it. Or maybe I will have the Prime Minister of Nokia tell him that this technology is a few years away!

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Apple Tech Support in Kannadaland


New Apple Tech Support Centre In India! For a moment I thought it had something to do with Kashmir or Himachal Prasesh.

Are Finnish Nokia users supported from India?

Friday, March 10, 2006

Called Nokia in India

Forbes declared Bill Gates as the richest yet again!

When we were growing up, we believed that Indira Gandhi was the richest. Later we found that it was untrue. I still believe it. So do all the congressmen who want Rahul to be the next Prime Minister.

NASA spacecraft found water on Saturn moon. I am sure it will find electricity and housing if it looks closer. Most of the Indians will choose it as the next immigration hot spot.

I am going to inaugurate Hanover fair on April 24. This is the fair many members of the Indian Engineering Export Promotion Council visit to copy machines.

Finland PM Matti Vanhanen is in India on 5-day visit. His country is also called Nokia in India. Cook Humphreys just discovered this yesterday. Most of the Indian are cooks in this bit of info.

Prime Minister and the peoples!


Thursday, March 09, 2006

Raj is a sexist

Called up Sabeer Bhatia. Thanked him for announcing his new project. Geeks are glued to the features page on his website! The challenge is to spot the innovation, uniqueness and technology in a toolbar which searches the web and blocks adverts. Keeps them from Blogging about me, Soniaji and Varanasi. Thank you Sabeer.

We have found out that the perpetrators of the Varanasi blasts were Islamic Terrorist. They called up and told us so. This saved a lot of police resources in terms of investigation.

Raj Thackeray has launched a new party. Maharashtra Navnirman Sena’s party flag will be blue, saffron and green. He is a sexist! He forgot the pink!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Is Howard going to Pak?

Is Howard going to visit Pakistan from here? Please find out and let me know. I do not want any President, Prime Ministers and Kings visiting India-Pakistan. This hyphen at the center gets on my nerves.

Humphery! Who is bombing civilian and religious targets in India-Pakistan?

Darn, I cannot be a Sardarji when I am pissed off. Did you see Mulayam on TV? I did. I have been watching Soniaji, Shivraj and Advani on TV all day. I thought I was the Prime Minister who wanted the nation to be calm!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Monday, March 06, 2006

Putin is important too!

Called up Putin to make him feel important! He is doing fine with Hamas and Iran. He still thinks he is a world leader in that region.

Cook Humphrey just told me that Sonia got Jaya Bachchan sacked out of the Rajya Sabha. What was she doing there in the first place?

The day world addresses the issue that there are more deaths due to implementation of theology then due to wine, women, sex, money, cancer, heart attacks and car accidents we will have a better world to live in. This is what I told Bush not to tell anyone.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Bush Part I


Well, to summarize it is like this. We have nuclear power!! The one that gives electricity, security and importance to all our call centers in Hyderabad.

Bush wanted to visit Gujarat. Seems that this was the only state where there were no anti Bush protests.

I told Bush to have Musharraf send me the security plans. The plans for the Indian security and armed forces to protect all Indian Muslims outside Kashmir. This is in event Musharraf and Bush think we should give up some of the land in Kashmir to Pakistan in the name of Allah. Bush was surprised that the Indian Muslims needed security if we gave up Kashmir. He decided to give up Kashmir.

We had a ball of a time together. We did discuss a lot of things. I will reveal them slowly…

Out of the bushes!

Hi folks.
Just out of the bushes. Will be back in full action soon. Hope you missed me.