Monday, September 11, 2006

Return on Gandhi Jayanti

I will be back with same intensity after celebrating Gandhi Jayanti.

Till 2nd October…be good! After that please come and experience the insanity here!


Sunday, September 10, 2006

Killing ourselves more efficiently

The Muslim community booed Soniaji and Ritesh Deshmukh’s father out of Malegaon. Thank God I am off to Brazil.

We just crossed an anniversary of 9/11. Yes the world has changed. Car accidents, cardiac arrests, cancer and AIDS remain the primary cause of death across the globe. Mr. Bin Laden, please let us be, will have unprotected sex and smoke to kill ourselves much more efficiently.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Malegaon?

Malegaon? I am going to Brazil!

I have also informed Sonia Gandhi that she will be allowed to sing Vande Matram in private places so that she is not embarrassed. Both she and Mr. Karunanidhi can sing in private. As it is we will never be able to figure out what they sang.


Friday, September 08, 2006

Brazil!

As the first Indian Prime Minister visiting Brazil after 38 years, I cannot help wondering what happened during the visit 38 years back. 38 years! 1968 most Indians were just borns!

Brazil has a lot of cars which run on Ethanol. We have a lot of people in India who also run on the ethanol. They are a football loving country with or without ethanol.

Tiwari is unwilling to believe that the Brazilian National flag has nothing to do with football.

I cannot be dishonest. As a Sardarji Economist Prime Minister I have to concede that Brazil is a "maha" sexy country and the tourist attractions are exposed in summer. We should play cricket there. They have the best spectators in the world. Ten Sports ratings will zoom if they focus on Brazilian spectators.


I asked Arjun; now that we have sung Vande Matram he should find some other issue to divide the nation.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Telgi TV!

I watched the narco-analysis test of Abdul Karim Telgi on TV. As a Prime Minister I get all the information immediately after the nation sees it. Telgi was asked to mention the “names of politicians” during the interrogation and he mentioned Vilasrao Deshmukh, Chhagan Bhujbal, Sharad Pawar and George Bush. I guess I am still not considered a politician. He was not asked the name of the bar dancer on whom he showered a ton of cash. Tiwari was interested in this name. Says he has to meet her. I guess it is irrelevant who got the money the bar dancer or Chagan Bhujbal.

I called up Iranian President Ahmedinejad and reaffirmed the need to speed up cooperation in energy and infrastructure projects. Energy, he did not promise, but he said after he wipes out Israel, infrastructure in the new region will be a possibility. He also wanted to know if Vande Matram means “I bow to my mother:” If that is the case, in middle east, they have “mother of battles”, “mother of bombs”, “mother of armies”, mother of….which mother man?

Dr. Anbumani Ramadoss, Health Minister in my ministry proclaimed that he didn't approve of Shah Rukh Khan smoking in DON. I have requested Venkat to dig out his resume and see if he can get a job for this man…in any municipal cooperation’s health department.

If you thought Agasis farewell was a tear jerker with 28,000 people standing, just watch Tony Blair’s farewell. Mr. Bush and half of the US Congress will give him a standing ovation on his last day in the House of Commons. The English ministers are revolting against “Yo Blair”

Vande Matram!

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

When Paranb met Nawaz!

Mumbai Police is ready. Wine shops are ready to provide the dancing fuel. The ambulance and emergency services are ready. All hospital staff is ready. The Fire Fighters are ready.Coastguard is on high Alert. Schools and Colleges are closed. Business establishments will close early. The band is ready to march.
Mumbai Cops Warning! Water and alcohol are a dangerous combination!

Ganpati Bapa Moria.

Pranab Mukherjee met Nawaz Sharif at the Hilton Hotel in Paris on Tuesday. Nawaz is still trying to figure out what Pranab said. Pranab is also trying to figure out what Pranab said.

I will launch the centenary celebration of satyagraha by Mahatma Gandhi during my visit to South Africa around 1st October. It is a year long celebration on peace and non violence. After the first week Sharukh Khan and Rani will takeover!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Private tuition teachers in action

A non-bailable warrant was issued against Bina Ramani for fudging documents on ownership of Tamarind Court. I suppose the court thinks that Jessica Lal would not have been murdered if Bina Ramani had all the ownership documents, restaurant licenses and liquor permits in order. Kerala public works minister P J Joseph resigned over molestation charges. President Abdul Kalam’s Flight from Chennai to Delhi got delayed by a few hours due to a bomb threat. What have the teachers been doing to our nation?

Now teachers, today is your day! Enough is enough. Get on with your jobs and do some good work. Just look what you have been churning out of your factories?

As a Sardarji Economist Prime Minister who is a teacher at heart let me say something:
  1. Teaching is not a job young ladies take up while hunting for a husband. (Yes I am sexist in this aspect)
  2. If you have nothing else to do, you are bored and can understand a bit of English you are still not entitled to be a teacher.
  3. Do not blush while discussing sex and HIV/AIDS.
Teacher’s day is celebrated on different days in different parts of the world. My Salam to all teachers today!
High cost private tuition teachers in action! Shaping the nation!

Monday, September 04, 2006

Darul Ulloom of Deoband

As a Sardarji Economist Prime Minister, media surveys interest me the most. A recent survey reported in Times of India puts Bangalore and Mumbai as top cities to live in and Ahmedabad and Surat as the bottom two. Now, if Narendrabhai makes alcohol freely available in Ahmedabad and Surat will these cities move up higher? Surat gets the number one spot as the place to earn. Amazing! I mean, what is the use of earning if you cannot drink it up and move up to a higher rank in the quality of living?

I have a bias for Bangalore. It’s Chief Minister, Narayana Murthy is a good friend of mine.

Madarsa Darul Ulloom of Deoband has issued a fatwa against BJP Vice President Abbas Naqvi. Naqvi is anti-Muslim says the fatwa. Really? Madarsa Darul Ulloom of Deoband must be stuffed with Islamic scholars, that it took them this long to figure this out.

Welcome to a new week. If you are banking with United Western Bank please see the positive side. You will soon be banking with ICICI!

CHANDIGARH Malayalee Association wishes you a very Happy Onam. I know it is tough but you can still be happy for communist in Kerala.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Forbes de-listed!

Forbes is the most accurate magazine in the world. It has described Soniaji as one of the most powerful person in the world who is left leaning and is my primary opposition. Forbes got it right this time!

Forbes, which is in the primary business of making lists, has now been delisted from Tiwari’s reading list. He says he will not trust them even if they say Mukesh is the richest person on Peddar road.


One of the mathematical problems that Venkat has pointing out to me is, if Vande Matram was written in 1870 why are we celebrating it’s centenary in 2006?


Arjun's mistimed this. It now in BJP's hand.


I have taken a liking for Lanakweb.com. It has the biggest headlines on the web, Times New Roman, size 24. Today's headline is, “PAKISTAN’S FORMER HIGH COMMISSIONER IN COLOMBO SAYS IT WAS INDIA’S RAW THAT TRIED TO ASSASINATE HIM IN SRI LANKA” As a nation our political parties only assassinate college professors. Also, as a nation we use agencies like the Army and RAW for flood relief and maintaining communal harmony. Lankaweb should try Arial 12 for a headline!

Pranab Mukherjee going to speak at United Nations General Assembly. I hope they have Bonglish translator there or we may just have a nuclear war on our hands.

Have a great Sunday!

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Munnabhai, Lage Raho!

I have decided to not blog about Student Politics or Kashmiri Politics. And there is nothing else to blog about. Iran? We are inconsequential. Bush will not even consider asking us what we think about Iran and its nuclear program.

Have a good weekend.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Quality of elected women MP poor!

I have appointed Shiv Shankar Menon as the next Foreign Secretary. Menons are usually from Kerala and leave their communist state to hunt for better opportunities in Dubai and Mumbai. But my Menon is not like that. He is an old boy from Scindia School, has a Masters in history from Delhi University and speaks Chinese and German fluently. Good Chap. He will be able to handle the television channels rather well and most likely will handle the MEA too.

Shyam se Shankar. Next will Ganpati?

Venkat pointed out that Lankaweb.com has a bold headline: INDIA’S MANMOHAN SINGH GIVES FIRM ASSUARANCE TO VAIKO IT WILL NOT GIVE ANY ARMS TO FIGHT GANDHI KILLERS. Soniaji, have you got any suggestion on this? Personally, I would like imprison Vaiko. But I am a Sardarji Economist Prime Minister who wanted to be a teacher but was made the RBI Governor and I cannot take these decisions!

I was at Lady Shri Ram College for Women. Women wanted to know why we have reserved seats for OBC and when we are introducing the bill to reserve seats for women in Parliament . Interesting questions eh?

Quality of Women MP elected without reservation not good enough for the nation!