Sunday, October 22, 2006

Happy Holiday

I am on a break today. I have decided to let the nation celebrate the next few days without doing anything. Usually if the Government does not do anything all are fine.

I will restrain myself from doing anything and let you have a good holiday.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Play Golf

So what promise should I make to myself this Diwali? Here goes:

  1. I will introduce more humor in my life. Let the nation smile. We can grow at 10% with a sense of humor. I am the saddest looking leader in the world.

  2. I will exercise twice a day. In the Morning for my body and mind. In the evening for my body and soul. It will help me combat CPI, SIMI and Banjrang Dal at the same time.

  3. I will brush my teeth twice a day. Most of this nation does it only once and Colgate is threatening to leave us at the mercy of Anchor.

  4. I will never ever spit, dig my nose or clean my ears in front of a foreign dignitary or even Tiwari. I know this our national pastime, but I am outlawing it for all.

  5. I will not lie. Diplomatically or undiplomatically. I will say things that I mean in word and spirit. I can do this because I am a Sardarji.

  6. I will listen to all. Including the upper middle class and Arjun Singh. But I will do what Soniaji tells me.

  7. I will learn how to play Golf. All world leaders play golf. Why not me?

What will I do for the nation? Make it proud!

Happy Diwali!

Friday, October 20, 2006

Use IE 7

IE 7 has been released. I know this has got nothing to do with India but the North Korean dictator will be glad to get off the headlines.

Most of the things like providing primary education, electricity, and drinking water as well as ensuring safe sex are not possible for a Sardarji Economist Prime Minister. So actually, as a Prime Minister what should I take up?

Here is some stuff for your Diwali break:
  1. Stop spitting on the streets
  2. Practice your religion in your houses and leave the public places alone
  3. Have safe sex or at best do not have it. Most folks do not have any idea of how serious this is. AIDS and population explosion.
  4. Start using IE 7. Firefox will not bring any investment into India
  5. If you are a upper class Brahmin, get ready to start your business. That is the only way you will be employed in future. Rest will be reserved.
  6. If you are intelligent please let me know, I am looking for a new Foreign Minister.

Khai ke pan Banaras walla, kere desh ki ijat ka bhaji pala!

HAPPY DIWALI.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Finally Listed!

This is not a Forbes list, but a list nevertheless; Nigeria is inching closer to us and will soon become the homeland for the second largest HIV positive population. We are a fast developing country, which have to appear on all list.

Recently Tiwari pointed out a new list. As Muslim clerics said a lady raped by her father-in- law's should now leave her husband. We made it to another third spot in this list which I will not name as I am a secular Sardarji Economist Prime Minister. We were just behind Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. We are a fast growing economy, which is present on all lists.

I am also the third guy on the list of head of Sates that Bush threatened the other day to vote against Venezuela. This list was also short and we made it to it!

We are also third in the list of all countries that are present on all lists. Nice to be running a listed nation!

Listed!

Saturday, October 14, 2006

19 October 2006

That was a lot of traveling. Exhausted from the land of Nokia! Will be back on 19 October 2006.  

Friday, October 13, 2006

See the smell from Virar

The Prime Minister of Nokia and I agreed that we should fight terrorism together. Nokia is key ingredient of terrorism in India with 60% market share amongst all extremists as well as moderates.

I like to collect agreements on jointly fighting terrorism. I have one with the South Africa, Brazil and Nokia. I really do not know what these countries can do to help us vis-à-vis terrorism, but I have added 3 more to my collection.

Bombay airport is to get a new look soon. It will feel and smell the same. Mumbai smells the same from all entry points. If you are coming via the western rail track you can start seeing the smell from Virar.


Thursday, October 12, 2006

Roaming in EU

Good! Now I have a doctorate from Cambridge. I was the only turban amidst the funny hats at the ceremony.

I am in Helsinki now. In the land of Nokia I am roaming with the leaders of the European Union.

Hey George…did you cheat the nation?

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Thank you Infy!

Blair rejected any comparison between India and N. Korea, says that comparison is no longer possible with Infosys beating expectations and showing a quarter-to-quarter growth of 17%. Thank you Infy.

In London the reception hosted by the Indian Ambasdor here was attended by LN Mittal, Lord Swraj Paul, Lord Billimori, Lord Rana from Belfast and Vikram Seth. God Lord, it seemed I was not the only Lord there. But Indian community in UK is well integrated into the society. They can comfortably predict London weather. Also most of them understand what exactly are Scotland, Ireland and England.

“The Inheritance of Loss” published by Grove Press in the United States, is set in a remote corner of India against the backdrop of growing Nepalese unrest, and in the streets of Manhattan, where illegal immigrants try to make a living while eluding the authorities. It focuses on the enormous anxiety of being a foreigner. Novelist Kiran Desai won the Man Booker Prize for this. What exactly have you written my dear Kiran? And can an ordinary Sardaji Economist Prime Minister read and enjoy it?


Desi Lekhak ke liye asha ki Kiran!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Nice to meet any friend of Bush

Seven of the 16 accused in the Mumbai Bomb Blast II retracted their confessional statements while I was in the process of handing the confessions to MI 6. But I am not embarrassed. I will stick with the stand that Mumbai cops like CIA beat up the accurate confessions from unlawful combatants.

I am glad youtube has been bought by Google. It will keep North Korea off the headlines in USA and may be Indo-US nuclear cooperation deal will get through.

Pakistan media has reported that US media is reporting a North Korean nuclear test. Pakistan media has not heard the sound yet.

Today I meet Blair. It is nice to meet any friend of Bush. It always helps even if he is on the way to retirement.
Veeru and Jay by BBC!


Monday, October 09, 2006

Chikungunya

Visiting London and Helsinki is always a nice prospect when Dengue and Chikungunya are visiting India. I particularly like the sound of Chikungunya. It scares folks. I spoke to the health minister and requested him to ban any viral death in movies so that we can stop the spread of this deadly virus.

Other than via Pakistan is there any other way to visit North Korea?

I will be talking a lot about terrorism with Blair when I meet him. It is the best thing to discuss over a nice plate of vegetable kebabs and mint chutney. It is a hot and spicy discussion. Blair cannot say that the Pakistanis are crooks and I cannot say that Blair has double, triple or quadruple standards.

Let the fun begin this week.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Sunday!

Why do you want to kill cows? And why is it you do not want to let other kill cows when you can kill chicken?

Why is religion so important to us when so far there is no evidence of it leading to happiness?

Why we still see the poor people as interference to growth when we really know that we want them to grow to be our customers?

Why do Indians still spit on the street?

Why on Sunday when Tiwari serves my breakfast such questions come to my mind?

I hope you folks are having a good weekend.

Lage Raho!

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Should I shave?

Saturday’s are usually tough to blog. Tiwari got up late and breached some security protocol and set off the fire alarm. So we had an alarmed breakfast in the morning in presence of black cat commandos. Hot Idilis, Hot Samosas and hot orange juice.

I am meeting Blair coming Tuesday. We plan to discuss the difference between ISI, Lashkar-e-Toiba, and Al Queda. I am having a tough time differentiating between these three. May be MI6 or 7 or 8, whatever the British are using now-a-days can help me.

Former foreign secretary Jack Straw has just revealed that he asks Muslim women to remove their veils because he feels "uncomfortable" about talking with someone whose face he cannot see. Should I shave before meeting him?
Straw to weed out veils! All veils.

Anyway, let us try to have a good weekend. Sigh…

Friday, October 06, 2006

Intelligence Agency and Intelligence

I feel that Mumbai should look like Paris, function like New York and have values of Zurich. Somewhere, someone thought it should be like Shanghai. It must have been a politician who came up with this. Shanghai has everything except genuine freedom of people, Internet and media.

Now I hear that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are in Pune. Our intelligence agencies were not aware that they were here shooting a film on Daniel Pearl who was beheaded by terrorists in Pakistan. Our Intelligence agency should try the IMDB database. It is quite comprehensive. Out Intelligence agency should also use more intelligence and not broadcast their ignorance.
I am not feeling well. A slight headache, some body ache and a stuff nose. Classic symptoms for all the epidemics breaking across the country!

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Courting tourism!

Medha Patkar of the Narmada Bachao Andolan said death sentence to Afzal was a reflection of "terrorism by the establishment.” Arundhati Roy says Parliament attack case is full of fabricated stories and evidence. These ladies are quite impressive. They honestly believe they are above the Supreme Court when passing judgments about Narmada or terrorist.

Comrade Saint Arundhati Roy getting enlightened

My grandson has dengue. He is in hospital. It is about time Soniaji declares an epidemic in the PMO. She is the CM of the PMO, as you know.

India has made it to one more list! Congratulations my countrymen! We do about 0.9 % of Global exports and we are rated as the most likely nation to pay bribes globally! We have an amazing talent for corruption. A possible BPO opportunity to do this for more integral countries like Switzerland.

Katrina Kaif will be the first woman in the world who is being sued for indecent exposure of her toes. She and Salman will jointly visit different courts in India. It is called courting tourism.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Our man Azad

Afzal wants to go to heaven. Says, seeking a pardon will not lead to all the virgins promised in terrorist training camps.

Mr Farooq Abdullah and Mr Gulam Nabi Azad are in total agreement. They will be more popular in Kashmir if Mohammed Afzal Guru is not hanged!

I as the Prime Minister am wondering which Azad Kashmir is our man Azad on?

Which side is Azad? And where is our man Azad?

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Baluchistan safest for American kids!

Baluchistan is far safer for American children then Philadelphia announced the Al Queda press secretary. He was at his official residence in Baluchistan which is somewhat in Pakistan, somewhat in Afghanistan and somewhat where no one can get anyone.

Pakistan has decide that it will take action on its own if perpetrators of Mumbai Bomb Blast – II are found on their soil. They will issue them a passport and send them to Dubai, Malaysia, Thailand or Saudi Arabia. Saudi Arabia is safe but there is limited freedom for freedom fighters in an Islamic country.
Tasneem Aslam at her weekly bullshitting session. More the bull, more smart she looks!

Now another book from Pakistan! Pakistan is the publishing headquarter for authors from countries in the forefront in the fight against terror. Muhammad Siddiqul Farooq, Joint Secretary of the Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz (PML-N) claims that India was aware of Pakistan army's plans to launch the Kargil operation a year before it was put into action. Good, now can we sue George over something more than coffins?

People in South Africa did not give me enough “bhav”. Next time I will take Sharukh Khan with me instead of Ratan Tata.

Monday, October 02, 2006

From South Africa

South African press is doing a great job covering my visit. I am present on the sides and corners of most newspapers. Sometimes my movement is positive from the lower left to the top left on the front page. South Africans generally like sports, sex and weekends. I really do not fit well in this framework.

Well, this week poses to be very exciting. We will be most likely be giving the Pakistanis some evidence of their involvement in the Mumbai Bomb Blast – II. This will include a tape with a chap slurring out the name “Pakistan” when asked to name a country! This is like Telgi mentioning Pawar when asked to name a politician.

South African media did not cover Mr. Roy. They were showing some football championship on all channels.