Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Vote bank - Santhal

All Assam Adivasi Students’ Association is a student body in Assam. As per vote bank politics this association wants indigenous Santhal tribe be considered as ST under the Indian constitution, which brings with it affirmative measures like education and job quotas.

The locals in Assam are upset about this and stripped an Adivasi women naked

Now this is what is called caste politics. Is Arjun tuned in?

I am a Rajya Sabha MP from Assam. Should I visit there? I will have to check this with Soniaji.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Look East

I will be visiting China in January. I cannot stand the idea of our artists being being racially abused in UK, we have to start looking East to shoot our movies. How can you racially abuse Bipasha? One has to be blind to overlook her sexy body and focus on her skin color.

I am not feeling funny today. Like yesterday, I am brooding about how we keep imagining that any religion can be moderate. Is it possible for any religion when followed down to the last word in any holy book be moderate? I will have to ask Soniaji about this.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Satyam - Sunadaram!

Satyam will join global giants such as McDonalds and the US brewer Anheuser-Busch as one of six World Cup sponsors...which world cup? The football world cup! Also, B Ramalinga Raju, Chief of Satyam Computer Services' Ltd has been awarded the E&Y entrepreneur of year award for India.

This is impressive. I am going to restrain myself from any wise cracks this Sunday.

Friday, November 23, 2007

CHO-gum In Uganda

We suspended Pakistan from the Commonwealth during our meet at Kampala. We have suspended then from many locations but Kampala was better. Next time we can suspend them from Jamaica. We can do it while watching an exciting Indo-Pak cricket match. It would be more fun.

We are pitching for the candidature our envoy in London, Kamlesh Sharma, for the post of Commonwealth secretary general. I do not know what a Secretary General of the Commonwealth does but I am sure he will be as relevant to the world as the commonwealth itself.

I must say the white queen looks more attractive in Kampala then she does in Edinburgh.

Gori Gori...Rani Ma.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

You can be a Manmohan Scholar now

Work hard....you may be given the Manmohan scholarship to Cambridge University. After that you may become a Sardarji Economist Prime Minister under the leadership of Soniaji.

Thank you British Petroleum, Tata and Rolls Royce for funding this scholarship. Rolls Royce....I wonder why?

Monday, November 19, 2007

Inflation under control

With the crude oil prices at US$ 100 we are able to keep the inflation under control. The higher the prices, the more control we will demonstrate on Indian Oil, Bharat Petroleum and Hindustan Petroleum.

Read this for the Malaysian impression on the global brand - India. "Discrimination against daughters is not as rife as before"

Welcome to a new week.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Secular Diwali

Soniaji addressed the AICC general assembly. She did not mention Gujarat Elections nor did she mention Nandigram. She did not mention the big mouth Mani Shanker Aiyar. She did not tell us if Ram had passed an engineering exam before building the Ram Sethu.

She also pointed out that unlike NDA, under UPA, the nation has become very secular. Both Ohm Shanti Ohm and Sawariya were very secular. One had SRK wearing a pendant with signs of all religions and the other had a Hindu boy living with an old Christian lady falling in love with a Muslim girl. She declared this Diwali as the most secular Diwali of all times.

Are bhai, but what about Sardarjis?

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Who killed 254 Hindus in Gujarat?

Arvind Lavakare wants to know who killed 254 Hindus in the 2002 Gujarat Riots. Ok 800 or 1000 Muslims were killed by Narendrabhai, why did he also killed 254 Hindus?

Now why does Arvind have to ask all these difficult questions during the election period. Why does he not let Tehlka come up with all difficult questions.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Dear Shri Prakash Karatji

Dear Shri Prakash Karatji,

A couple of companies in the Public Sector which employ couple of hundreds of thousands of people and supply an essential item like petrol and diesel to the country are likely to go under.

Please advice:
1. If I should increase the price of petrol and diesel
2. If I should reduce the duties and have a problem with government funds
3. Let the companies go bankrupt and then sell them
4. Sell these companies now

Pleas let me know or I will tell the nation that you are not fit to rule India.

I am eagerly awaiting your response.



Thursday, November 15, 2007

Meeting the Poet

Had an informal meeting with Vajpayeeji and Advaniji. They explained their predicament quite clearly. They are in the opposition, so they will oppose the nuclear deal. I was with them for 20 minutes. That is all I could stand the poetry for.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Budha does Modi Speak

Budhadev has started speaking like Modi. No problem. He has also to perform like Modi and break his record.

Gujarat holds many records in India for economic development:
* 20% of India's Industrial Output
* 10% of its Mineral Production
* 20% of its exports
* 25% of its textile production
* 40% of India's pharmaceutical products
* 47% petrochemical production

Gujarat has a per-capita GDP 20 times India's average. If it was a nation it would have been 67th richest nation above many European and Asian economies like Ukraine.

With all this shit in Wikipedia, I do not think Wikipedia is secular. I will have to speak with Soniaji about this.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

2 hrs with Putin

I had a long meeting with Putin. Lasted a couple of hours. Putin's insight on OSO v/s Sawariya was quite thought provoking. We also came up with some bright ideas on how to stay friends irrespective of us sleeping with the US once in a while.

None of the Indian Universities appear in the list of top 200 universities in the world.
This is quite a surprise. If a university in India can give a doctorate to Lalooji it has to be in the top 5.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Hungry Kya?

India ranks at 96 among 119 developing countries in the Global Hunger Index. The majority of us are hungry for power, at times this leads to some shortage of food.

Trinamool Congress has called for an indefinite Bangla Halt from today. What exactly will they halt in West Bengal?

Now BJP will ask me to make a comparison between Nandigram and Gujarat? I feel like I am giving my 10 standard exam. Compare the following for 5 marks each!

I am at the global headquarters of the left parties. The politics of Russia and West Bengal have some uncanny similarities. Very democratic indeed.

A very democratic Russia and a very democratic India

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Secular murder better

The killing of innocent villagers in Nandigram by CPI(M) activist to allow Salim Group to set up an SEZ is secular murder. It is better and more acceptable then the murder by Right wing nationalist. I am not going to act against the West Bengal government. If I act against them then I will no longer be in a position to act against them. Amazing world of secular politics.

Will the English media go after Buddhadeb, Karat and Yechury like they went after Modi. `I hope so, it will allow me to sign the nuclear deal. Rajdeep..go man go....

Secular OSO

This is none of my business but as a Sardarji Economist Prime Minister I have to point out that OSO is a secular movie. SRK wears a pendant with a cross, an Om and the moon with the star in the first part of the movie.

Secondly, I am thankful to NDTV for educating the desi generation born around 1980 to the desi movies of the 70ies. Tiwari's son did not get half of the jokes in the first part of OSO.

Iranian interior minister Mostafa Pour Mohammadi met me. He wanted to know if he should watch OSO or Sawariya. I suggested that he should watch Sawariya if he wanted to see a movie and OSO if he wanted to see an extended version of Boggie Woggie minus Javed and team. Ok...OK I know he does not see Boogie Woogie in Tehran but he will now.

The temperature in Moscow is -3°C but it feels like -5°C. I need to warm up the relations while I am there and buy a nuclear submarine.

Russians likes Rani. I and Putin will watch this Sawariya together in cold and dreary room to match Bhansali's sets when I have lunch with him. Swariya is more Russian with red light area and grey Gothic structures. It is also inspired by "White Nights", a Russian short story by Fyodor Dostoevsky. (Dost - of - whiskey)

In USA “Saawariya” is rated PG (Parental guidance suggested). It has exposed bellybuttons and mild sexual innuendo. Parental Guidance? Will Soniaji allow Rahul to see this movie?

Friday, November 09, 2007

Action Theaters this Diwali

The battle theaters are active this Diwali.

Battle in Type I theaters

Battle in Type II theater

Wishing all my Indian bhais and bhens, particularly the Muslims, Christians, Buddhist and the atheist (Read as left parties) a very happy Diwali from a secular government who does not discriminate while wishing anything to anybody.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Tipple in jeans at CWC now

Rahul wants us to do away archaic ten point criteria for Congress members. This include wearing Khadi and keeping off alcohol and drugs. Rahul suggested these sweeping changes during his first meeting as a CWC member.

Let the transition begin...CWC - (Congress Working Clothes) finalized thanks to Rahul!

Diamonds in South Africa

Tiwari pointed out that South Africans want to polish their diamonds in their own country rather then sending them to sweat shops in India.

It always amazes me how we politicians misinterpret events and possibilities. South Africans feel that they have problems due to lack of skills, high labor cost and the impact of apartheid. This they feel is not allowing them to take over the downstream processing of their mining resources. The reality is that the white man in South Africa wants to go biking, hiking and surfing every weekend and the rest want to drink, party and dance starting every Friday night. Only developed economies can have this culture. The rest have to work hard and work hard. Indian and Chineese do this.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

My Quote

"Narrow political considerations can distort national vision". This is what I said. Yes, but if we focus on a Muslim vote bank, we have extraordinary reservation for SC, ST, OBC and other OBC, or we let Mayawati call Mahtma Gandhi a discriminator or we let Karu in Chennai ask which college did Ram graduate from...it is broad minded discussion on national growth.

Considering the last factor, if Karu says there is no Ram, can I wish him happy diwali?

Karu ko phone Karu kya?