Monday, March 31, 2008

Rahulbaba in prison, inflation zooms!

Soniaji says "It is time to seek an account from the state government (UP) on how it has spent funds. You will have to be ready to go to jail for this," She was telling this to Rahulbaba. I do not know anyone who has gone to prison for asking for accounts. If all who ask for the account go to prison then the Comptroller and Auditor General of India (CAG) would be located in Tihar jail. 

As you know Sonia madam struggles with her hindi and her statements tend to confuse the educated. They are mainly focused on our vote bank who have limited understanding of life,jail and CAG. 


Rahulbaba... getting ready!

Meanwhile after writing off Rs 60,000 Cr, we will be reducing inflation by cutting excise and custom duty to keep the inflation down. After winning the election we can tax the shit out of them all.



Sunday, March 30, 2008

I am not the candidate yet

While Pawarsaheb is willing to declare me as the Prime Ministerial candidate for the next elections, Soniaji is still deliberating. This is disconcerting for me.

I think in terms of the following I am better qualified than Rahulbaba:
1. Education
2. Experience
3. International Relationship
4. Clean Image
5. Popularity within the party

Of course Rahulbaba is dynastically ahead of me. Will Soniaji and the congress overlook this and make me the PM?

Soniaji says that Rahulbaba can match anyone:

1. Education: He has more years in the same class then anyone
2. Experience: He has inherited plenty of it
3. International Relationship: He is the only one with the "phoren" girfriend
4. Clean Image- Have you seen him with a overgrown beard?
5. Popularity within the party: Even grand parents of ministers touch his feet. What else do you want?

International Experience hai Kya?

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Third Front

Karat says that there is a need of a third front.Yes, I agree. BJP and Congress are not good enough to fight the communist, we need one more party to chew into their vote bank!

Karat saheb in the center of the front!


Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Phechan Kaun?

Kya bat Hai! This is so cute that even a Sardarji Economist Prime Minister cannot resist blogging about it.

Rahulbaba, is pleased

Jaguar sales dropped 33 percent in the U.S. and Europe in the first two months of the year. Land Rover sales fell 13 percent in the U.S. and 7.7 percent in Europe during the period.

Rahulbaba is pleased. As a Prime Minister he will be able to drive this to work!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Ab bolo

We have most of the things in place now.

We have written off farmers loans. This has created a new vote bank for the congress called the "indebted farmer". Every five years we will activate this vote bank at the cost of other banks...like the State Bank of India. The left is fuming mad about this strategic move.

We will be increasing the salaries of government employees. A vote bank of 4,500,000. The left is pissed off about this.

Pranab is in US. He has explained our plan to George Bush. He too does not like out communists.

I made my point again while laying a foundation stone for a 1,500-MW gas-based power plant at Bawana in Outer Delhi. We need other sources of energy.

Karat...ab bolo? Kya karan hai?

Prakash Karat....Marxism does not age!

Prakash, you should have left for Dubai when you were younger.


Monday, March 24, 2008

Agni

We test fired Agni. It was a copy book launch. Which book did these guys copy from? Ok, bad joke, but I am a Sardarji. Anyway, we retain the capability to bomb the hell out of Pakistan, deter China from a full fledged attack on us and worry the US that we may become an exporter of nukes. So I will say that the test did it's job.

As a Prime Minister, I know that the stronger weapons we have, more unlikely it is that we will go to war.

Pranab is going to meet Secretary Rice and President Bush this evening. He will explain to them the cost of this nuclear deal is almost US $ 15 billion of farmers loan which we have written off.

Menon is with Pranab. He will take care of his Bonglish - English translation. I hope nothing gets lost when the words pass through Malyalam.


Bonglish | Malayalam | English

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Rahulbaba, our future PM

I met an interesting gentleman. He has just published a book. Quite a candid account. He gifted me the book and wanted me to read it. I called up Soniaji to find out if I can do this. Well, this gentleman had even gifted the book to Soniaji. She told me to read it after removing page 37, 142 and 256 which have inaccurate reference to her relation with an Italian called Quattrocchi who she does not know.

Meanwhile, Tony Blair has endorsed Rahul Gandhi's candidature as the next PM of India. As per the standard US policy, the first endorsement of leaders for a developing nation with nuclear weapons will be by ex-chieftains of the white world, then by the US Secretary of State and then finally by the US president.
Rahulbaba's next presentation will be to....

Friday, March 21, 2008

Holi Easter

It is going to be a colorful weekend. A Lot of good wishes for Holi and Easter. I have to mention Easter since I am in the Congress.

Television writers have not been able to integrate Good Friday and Easter into the sas and bahu soaps. Holi is simpler to integrate. They always have the option to introduce a Christian or a Muslim friend and make the soap a Hum Aapke Hain Koun type of a hangma. We do the same while forming a cabinet. Ek Muslim, Ek Sikh, Ek Esahi.

As a Secular Sardarji Economist Prime Minister, I classify festivals into the following categories:

1. Token Festivals - Jain and Parsi festivals are in this category.I greet, but it does not matter.
2. National Vote bank festivals-Eid. You got it right!
3. Regional Vote bank festivals - Pongal
4. Real Congress Festivals - Christmas, Easter....

Hindu festivals? Are Hindus not a vote bank? Yes they are...BJPees vote bank. They will greet them for anything which rings a bell in the temple.

Blog Directory

We have to hide this picture

As holi nears, I get into a naughty mood. Naughty Sardarjis are not easy to handle.

We want to hide this picture from all. I have instructed CBI, IB and R&AW to eliminate all traces of this picture from the internet. Can you guess who is this?

Do not be afraid, make a guess in the comments

We are also trying to remove some pictures of Rahulbaba brushing his teeth. These pictures are such an embarrassment to the congress.

Anbumani Ramadoss would like to remove this picture from the internet.


Thoda aur wish karo...cancer ko kiss karo

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Sarabjit

If we were capable of sending spies into Pakistan, reaching Lahore, enrolling local support and orchestrating a bomb blast...why and when did we stop? I have asked Tiwari to check this out with Mr. Chaturvedi who is heading R&AW.

Let me confess, as a Secular Sardaji Economist Prime Minister, I am distressed with what is happening to the Sensex, what is happening to the Tibetans, what is happening to the tourists in Goa, what is happening with the nuke deal and what is likely to happen to Sarabjit Singh. I really do not know how I could have handled the pressure without the support from Soniaji.

I also heard that the Indian cricket team is back to playing cricket...this time with South Africa.

Howszzzat!

Monday, March 17, 2008

AIMWPLB | Khula

All India Muslim Women Personal Law Board (AIMWPLB) is likely to upset the All India Muslim Personal Law Board (AIMPLB) with their new ''Shariat Nikahnama''. This new ''Shariat Nikahnama'' will enable Muslim women in India to divorce their husbands. We can now watch the Muslim male struggle to keep control on divorcing women.

The new suggestion will not allow men to divorce their wives using technology. So no SMS, MMS email or vedio conferencing for divorcing. Even if you email talaq three times in separate emails, all in Arial, Bold, Itallics! Also, if you turn out to be wife beater, have extramarital affairs, have AIDS, then the women will divorce you. This is a big breakthrough.

Now we have to wait for the reaction from All India Shia Personal Law Board and then the Imam of Jumma Masjid

Sab Kuch Khula Khula Hai!

I, the Secular Saradji Economist Prime Minister who at the moment is busy pushing through a nuclear deal with US and fending off the left attack on my defense ministry for buying a 36 year old, useless tub called USS Trenton from the American Navy pray that these women do not create a problem in my vote bank.


Sunday, March 16, 2008

License to think

I was awarded a honorary doctorate of letters (D Litt) by Benaras Hindu University. D Litt can also be a doctorate of literature but since this is an honorary doctorate I did not argue with the VC.

As a philosopher, politician, intellectual, economist Sardarji, Prime Minister, I have always felt that there is a need to take some actions which will make a serious impact on the country. While I lectured at BHU to ensure our youth has more knowledge and skills, my personal opinion is that it is more important to enable people to think.

But if we give the people a license to think will they vote for congress?


Think, Think, Think....



Friday, March 14, 2008

Delhi continues to search for sex

Delhi is quite happy with latest wardrobe malfunction. I always felt that Delhi is the most sex starved city in the country where men spend more time pushing elbows into womens cleavage on the blue line buses.

I just had Tiwari do a Google trend check on sex, porn and nude. The first two cities searching for these key words across the globe are Delhi and Chennai. North and South have not found sex, the west and east seems to have had enough.

sex porn nude
1. Delhi, India




2. Chennai, India




3. Ankara, Turkey




4. Istanbul, Turkey




5. Warsaw, Poland




6. Zurich, Switzerland




7. Brussels, Belgium




8. Amsterdam, Netherlands




9. Sydney, Australia




10. Toronto, Canada







Sonia turns 10

We all expressed our deep gratitude to Soniaji on her innovative, creative and successful leadership over the last 10 years. She has proved that her foreign origins do not matter. Speaking Hindi in an accent does not have an negative impact on voters in the cow belt.

By keeping Soniaji as our eternal leader, Congress continues to demonstrate a high intellectual understanding of the intelligence of the voters in India.


If you can vote for Modi or Karat, why not Soniaji?

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Mayawatiji and US elections

We have an interesting election coming up in USA. A black, a previously disadvantaged person in US like our Mayawatiji in India or a woman, again like our Mayawatiji will eventually take on the Republicans.

Mayawait v/s Mayawati

Maya Memsaheb has noticed this and warned me that the next election is between her and me. Me? I am not a war veteran I told her, I am just a Secular Sardarji Economist Prime Minister. She said that is good enough. I sound Republican.


Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Banglore Airport to be declared a heritage site

I had a chat with Praful. We should declare the old Bangalore and Hyderabad airports as heritage sites. All the staff who wants to still want to work at the old airport will continue to do so. They will keep it filthy and stinking. We will arrange for tourist flights to land there to show where India was and who were the people who wanted it to stay that way. Problem solved.

CITU is a part of the CPI(M). CITU is leading the strike. CITU means Center of Indian Trade Unions. It is a union of unions! When will I be able to get out of this communist shit and run the country!



Monday, March 10, 2008

Gill Pill!

Indian hockey team takes a Gill Pill as it looses its berth in the Olympics after 80 years.


From one Sardar to another....please, please jar aur wish karo, abhi to quit karo

Saturday, March 08, 2008

60,000 BC

We are going to call the coming election 60,000 BC.

We have written off loans worth Rs 60,000 Cr. We will screw the middle class to pay this after we win the next election.

The left parties have lost 60,000 villages to congress party.

Rahul Gandhi has started a journey to discover India from 60000 BC. He will not really discover anything, but we will get a few votes.

All these wonderful things will put India 60,000 years Behind China and congress party in the lok Sabha.


The proud accomplishment of the Secular Sardraji Economist Prime Minister