Sunday, April 27, 2008

Times, they are a changing

I want to point to a rather unnoticed event. It may be the beginning of the end of Moditva. Modi lied in his public speech and said the 108 ambulance service in Gujarat was a state initiative and Gujarat was the first state to implement it. It was not. Definitely!

If he can lie about this, will the people of Gujarat ask themselves, is he lying about other things too?

EMRI the brain child of the Stayam Chief and was launched in AP first. Gujarat was the second. It had central funding.

Yeah, Narendra Modi is like Mayawati, Laloo, Mulayam, Arjun and Rahul...full of bullshit. Will Gujarat please take a note of this lie?

Yuvraj supports me

Rahul just told the nation that I am a good PM and his leader. I am not happy about this. He should have said this some other time. With Harbhajan slapping Sreesanth only person who is interested in what Yuvraj said is me.

Or did Arjun tell Yuvraj that the time was right was to make a statement...

How do you like this for a crown, Yuvraj?




Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Proud of Steel Prices

While laying the foundation stone for modernisation and expansion of the Bokaro Steel Plant, I told the steel manufacturers to not manipulate prices. It is quite an interesting thing to say. If Mittal buys couple of companies so that he can control the prices of steel and get rich, we, Indians are proud. So should we be proud of steel prices?

Anyway, my landing at Palm go delayed by 16 minutes today. The ATC noticed a unidentified blip on their radar....must be Rahul Gandhi..heheheheh. I hope Soniaji is not reading my blog today.


Mere Radar pe Kaun blip blip kar raha hai?

Monday, April 21, 2008

Gill pill for the Civil Servicse

I inaugurated the third Civil Services Day today. I told the top civil servants, “In the quest to build a modern nation, absorbing the best from the outside world, epitomizing Gandhiji’s vision of an inclusive society, the civil services have played an admirable role.”

Well, if you are inaugurating the Civil Services Day, you cannot speak about corruption, can you?

Here are some candid suggestion for the India Civil Service from the Secular Sardarji Economist Prime Minister.
  • Please stop eating Pan. All of you!
  • Please make sure that your kids get good values. It does not matter that you are corrupt, lecherous, sex starved maniac...your kids should not pull guns and rape foreigners.
  • If you have anything to say against Soniaji or Rahulbaba, please quit the congress and return to the civil service. We will make you the collector of Bundarghad.
  • Align yourself with a political party after 5 years into civil service. It will easier for all of us to plot and plan against each other.
  • If you are in an extremely high position please ensure that you take good training from Mr. Gill. I, myself, did not know that this election commissioner was in the congress till we made him the minister.
An inspirational Gill Pill for the Civil Service- Election Commissioner to Minister of State Sports & Youth Affair


Sunday, April 20, 2008

Politics of the Mango party

Tamil politics brings a different angle to my life. As a Sardarji Economist Prime Minister I would have been bored to death with Arjuns and Laloos. Tamil politics keep me entertained and alive.

For example,what must have inspired my collation partner to name his son Stalin. I know he was born a few days before Stalin died, but still....can you imagine if he becomes the Foreign Minister of India!

Dr S. Ramadoss of Pattali Makkal Katchi is also from Tamil Nadu. In the early years he wanted to divide Tamil Nadu into two parts, one his vote bank and the rest. Now as a Minister in my government he went and met Soniaji and requested that we should have total prohibition in India. No booze! Soniaji agreed that it was a nice thought.

He also said there was no creamy layer in OBC. All the cream will be sour if we exclude the creamy layer from getting the reserved seats. Kaun vote dega?

By the way, for all those who are not from Tamil Nadu, the PMK's election symbol is a mango which is a fruit of the creamy class.



Saturday, April 19, 2008

Kolkata Knight Riders 1984

I thought you would like to know some history on the Kolkata Knight Riders. Here is the 1984 version. 


Ek Dhuje ke Liye

If you have slightest experience of Gully Cricket you would agree with me why India is most suitable nation to use IPL format. I as the Secular Saradarji Economist Prime Minister have a strong belief in this format.

Our entire nation, atleast the nation that I know of, has grown up playing cricket in this format.

1. We all get together in the evening.
2. We all want to have a good game of cricket and then eat wada pau
3. Two guys, usually the dominating types or good players become captains
4. First toss is to determine who starts selecting players
5. The captains choose the players amongst the lot willing to play that day. The best go first.
6. Toss again, this time for who bats first. It is almost given that the guy who wins will bat first and batting is joy and bowling and fielding is a punishment
7. You have 2 hours or less to finish the match. 
8. Innovative rules which require amazing control over the tennis balls are used. Ball goes into uncles house you are out, ball hits the neighboring wall full toss it is 4 runs otherwise 2 runs, you break a glass you are out etc etc
9. Enjoy your batting and keep an eye out to find which girl is watching you or keep eyeing all the girls passing by.
10. End your day with tons of gossip from the film industry, television, education and have a wada pau.

This looks more similar to IPL format...doesn't it? Indian gully cricket and IPL, ek dhuje ke liye!


Only the Wada Pau is served differently







Friday, April 18, 2008

Arjun Singh

It is quite obvious. I know that everyone knows that if I was really the Prime Minister I would have sacked Arjun Singh by now. Being the PM when you are not the PM is a challenge of this life. 

I have met many sycophants in my life, but Arjun Singh is unique. On February 21, 2008, Soniaji met his wife Saroj Devi requesting her to persuade Arjun Singh to give up his cabinet post. No, he did not. He retaliated by suggesting that Rahul should be the PM. But still, I cannot sack him...
 

When he was with Congress (Tiwari) he looked like a upper class peon in the RBI office

The Modi Show begins

Ok. IPL takes off tomorrow. Lalti Modi says you can see the pictures of the event on the internet... only if you are using safari as your browser. Steve Jobs has issued an special update for this.

You can also see the cricket matches only on one TV channel. Since Lalit Modi also brings FTV to India, you can watch live hidden cam broadcast of the cheerleaders and the dressing room on FTV.

Ravi Shashtri and Sunil Gavaskar will be the in-house commentators during the tournament. They are also on the governing body of IPL. Ashok Malik says that this will transform television broadcasting. Eventually the Election Commissioner will also be anchoring election news programmes on television.

I am just a Secular Economist Prime Minister busy protecting my job and will gladly leave this to Sharad Pawar. I like Sharad, he wants me as the PM.

Official booze, calendar, clevage and legs by the Daru ka Bhadsha






Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Finally it is P T Usha only

Ok. PT has given me her word. If noone shows up she will run all the way herself...up to Beijing if required.

Big Cinemas

Reliance has acquired more than 200 cinemas in 28 U.S. cities, including San Jose, Chicago, and Washington. They are going to be rechristened Big Cinemas. Anil has a friend called Big B who is a farmer. He also has a Big brother who is richer. He recently managed a Big IPO. Now he is going to screen Big B in Big Cinemas in US.

I am proud of this strategic move on the part of the Reliance group. It will give Indian movies a good reach. It also keeps my mind off what Arjun is saying about Rahul getting my job.

Anil and the Big Run!


Monday, April 14, 2008

You are an Idiot!

You, the voters are Idiots. Idiot, as you know is a superlative term for a fool. So if you are an idiot then you cannot get more foolish. I thought it was time I set up a list of people who consider you idiots. I have put a preliminary list together.
  1. Arjun Singh (Says that Rahul is suited for my job. And you idiots will buy this)
  2. Mayawati (Only she represents the interest of Dalits. As a proof she installs her own statues at the Rs 500-crore Ambedkar Samajik Parivartan Sthal. And you idiots will appreciate this and vote for her )
  3. Rajdeep Sirdesai ( His opinions matter and Idiots will vote differently based on his biased reporting)
  4. Prakash Karat (He really thinks we can trust the Chinese)
I am working hard on the list of people who consider you all idiots. If you have a suggestion please let me know.

You idiots, Kanshiramji told me to install my statue everywhere and more idiots will vote for me!




Kenya sings for Inida

I could not resist putting this one. I love the world as it is. I just love it!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Praful explains inflation

Praful has managed to explain the cause of inflation to me. He says that Sardraji's have started eating rice after parathas and Karunanidhi has a chappati before rice.

And he said this again on TV.

Are bhai plane udao, airport bano, inflation ka explanation lungi pe chodo!

Budhia's ex-coach shot dead

I thought the Indian cabinet should know about this. The Child marathon runner Budhia Singh's former coach Biranchi Das, was shot dead. Though this is not a sound bite which a Secular Sardarji Prime Minister should be concerned about...I, sitting in Delhi cannot imagine why someone would shoot an ex-coach of child marathon runner.

So let me make a guess:

1. He had a lot of money and this was an extortion killing
2. He was part of a mafia which was involved in illegal activities
3. He was involved in the politics of the college where he was a judo coach
4. It was a random killing like they have in American schools

Would you like to guess for me please?

Think!


Saturday, April 12, 2008

The most safe blue line bus

The sepia of the year who save the most lives, the best plumber, the best carpenter, the best bus driver, the best fitter, the best electrician, the best taxi driver, the best auto rickshaw driver, the most safe blueline bus....

I request Times of India to set up these awards. I will personally call up SRK and Saif to host this show and ensure that Kareena and Katrian to dance between the awards. Make sure that each award is worth Rs 10 lakhs. And watch the country change...

They matter more than those who pass out of IIM

Friday, April 11, 2008

Arjun to head for US

Arjun is off to USA. He wants a quota for OBC in F1 visa issued to Indian students. We, as a secular government will have to find ways that a Brahmin can never get educated on this planet.

We keep this reservation thing going and the level of intelligence in Brahmins will increase by the theory of evolution. They will stress and work twice the amount as others do to get anywhere. Their Grey cells will evolve to compute and analyze faster. So they will be better and will have to study in B and C grade private institutions. This will increase the standards of the B grade schools.

So you see, Soniaji is brilliant!

Evolution...is full of surprises...But please...this is not Soniaji!




Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Indo-Africa

"For the first time Africa has a trading partner that who does not relate to it through dependence, charity or a colonial mindset." said Senegal's President Abdoulaye at the Indo-African summit. It is touching that he has graciously ignored our underlying motive of tying up African oil. Thank you Mr. President.

After living in South Africa, Mahatma Gandhi observed, "The commerce between India and Africa will be of ideas and services, not of manufactured goods against raw materials after the fashion of western exploiters." No wonder he was called the Mahatma and I am called a Sardar by Soniaji.

One word about the Tibetian protests to our super 300 percent ultra secular and broad minded human right activist and media. Trust me. Drop this topic. If you support freedom in Tibet, you will support freedom to Kashmiris one day. This is not ok bhai even if you have a Padam Shree.




Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Whose soap is it anyway?

Ok, go ahead and ask me the soapy question! I am ready! Which Soap does Rahulbaba use to disinfect himself from Dalits? I will have to use a life line...Soniaji....please!

Snan, Snan pe likha hai sabunwalo ka nam.

I heard BJP is launching an agitation against the rising prices. The Left, the Samajwadis and Cyberabad Naidus are also agitating against the inflation. The opposition have the terrific opportunity to protest and continue to protest till we do not get the inflation under control. Since they hope to protest till the next election they are protesting while hoping that their protest will fail. What a paradox life can be!

Oops, sorry. Amar is not protesting against rising prices in this picture.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Visiting Pakistan

Shit! I am visiting Pakistan! I always find out about this through the newspapers. Usually Pakistani jurnos get a whiff of this before me.

Pawarsaheb is doing a good job. He is praising me in public forums but just stopping short of bashing Soniaji! Arye, Pawarsaheb, yeh sab phele dekha hai. You cannot wedge a divide between me and Soniaji. I am because of Soniaji. I am almost Soniaji. I am Soniaji!

Now, finally I have to blog about cricket. As a Sardarji Secular Economist Prime Minister, I must warn Pawarsaheb that if India looses to South Africa I will not watch IPL matches. I am sure that many Indians will also feel the same. Kuch Karo, Innings se South Africa ko defeat karo!

Thursday, April 03, 2008

A Sardar meets Modi

While Soniaji is busy bashing Advaniji over the Kandahar episode, my worry is about Raj Thackeray. With the Tamilians bashing Kanadigas and Kanadigas bashing Tamilians, Raj will now have a great time beating some Bhaiyas in "amchi Mumbai".

If you can do it in East, if you can do it in South, I can do it better in West! Raj is the real winner of the Hogenakkal issue.

By the way, only a Sardar can do this. Imagine my friend Montek going to Gujarat and appreciating Modi! Arey bhai, these Economist Sardars have no understanding of Politics. Montek says I should learn a few things from Modi. For example, Modi does not want to upgrade the Ahmadabad airport but wants 5 international airports in Gujarat. Modi is also a Sardar, his supporters think he is a reincarnation of Sardar Patel.

Meanwhile, I grateful to the secular media lead by Padma Shri Rajdeep and Padma Shri Barkha. They have ignored this news item totally and Montek's idiotic comments will not be known to our voter in Uttar Pradesh, Bihar and Jarkhand. Actually only The Hindu covered this news item...I will have to find out who runs this paper...freedom of press is limited to secular new only. And Hindu should be busy covering the Tamil bashing in Banglore...no?

Do Sardar sath sath hai!