Thursday, July 31, 2008

It is about Swaraj

"It [the blasts] is a conspiracy to divert attention from the cash-for-votes scandal and to bring back the Muslims who had gone away because of the pro-American nuclear deal"

We have Swaraj. Bol India Bol! Bhindas Bol!

Opps..even he does not like the story!

Whenever I have a day like this and I do not feel like a Secular Sardarji Economist Prime Minister, I just post a picture from the great Congress archives. This time I had the CBI dig into the CPI (M) file since they are my enemies and look what we found!It may not be news but it is not a part of the public disclosures by NDTV.

Dr. Prannoy Roy of NDTV is married to Radhika Roy who is the sister of Brinda Karat. Prannoy is also the cousin of Arundhati Roy. Did Soniaji know about all this before she gave the Padma Shree to Barkha?

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Defused

Amar Singh and his bunch are not joining my government. 18 other bombs were also defused in Surat.

As a Secular Sardarji Economist Prime Minister I do not know much about explosives. I was impressed with the ease that these bombs planted on treetops and behind hoardings were discovered and defused in Surat. The process of defusing the bomb looked easier than opening a can of beans.

This one was defused with a can opener.

These bombs do not look like the imported Islamic bombs. Imported Islamic bombs have RDX. These have Ammonium Nitrate, which is also used in manufacture of fertilizers! This is expected to defuse our courage to blame ISI.


Thank you Narendrabhai

I have to give it to Narendrabhai. He really made me feel like a Prime Minister. I have never met anyone who can ignore Soniaji while she stands a few meters away. Thank you Narendrabhai. Only fools can ignore you, Narendrabhai.

I inquired with Narendrabhai if he had got the visa to USA. He wanted to know if I could take it up with Bush since I am really close to him.

Meanwhile some of the Paki soldiers came across the LOC and shot our solider. I had left Ahmedabad by that time or Narendrabhai would have pointed out this information to me every 3 minutes.

But ignoring Soniaji..hehehehe...this man has guts eh?


Monday, July 28, 2008

Maut Ka Saudargar

I am going to be in Ahmadabad tomorrow. I do not think Narendrabhai is going to be very happy to see me. He considers me a Pseudo Secular Sardarji Economist Prime Minister who is working for a Italian lady who considers him a "Maut ka Saudagar"

Discussions with Narendrabhai are difficult. He will ask me questions like, if we make all Muslims in India government employees will the terrorist attack stop? Or if we make them as rich as they are in Saudi Arabia will these attacks end? Does the great fiction writer of Ramayana Valmiki deserve Sahitya Akademi Award after Ramu Sethu is destroyed? What is my opinion about all the Sardarjis carrying swords on railway platforms in Mumbai during the Dara episode? Were all of them secular? If Islam is the only religion and we are all Kefirs, will it best if we all converted to Islam to maintain peace? Has the person necessarily have to be Hindu to be a Maut ka Saudagar?

It is very difficult to discuss anything with him particularly since he has now started taking interest in economics.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

A Sad day

16 blasts in Ahmadabad. A sad day! We had warned the Gujarat Government 3 days back about the potential threat. We have made it a practice to send such warnings to all BJP run states every 3 days. But these guys from BJP are lazy and do not act on our warnings.


Friday, July 25, 2008

Winning a draw

I hate to blog on a day when an event which embarrasses me happen...like a bomb blast or Amar Singhji justifying his actions to the press. But I am getting used to these things and have grown into a matured and tolerant Secular Sardarji Economist Prime Minister.

Anyway, I just wanted everyone to know that we had no role in letting the money into the house. It is quite likely that the doorman is a BJP sympathizer. We will have Somnath Dada sack him. Comrade Yechruy actually suspects that the money was brought in through the speakers office. Yechury heads the KGB of CPI(M) and his suspicion is submitable evidence in their politburo.

Comarade Yechury's ex school, the KGB HQ

Life continues to be about winning a draw. If India, trailling by 441 runs manage to draw the match against Lanka will we consider it a victory? Much like a 275-256, with 10 members abstaining and 21 cross voting is a victory.


Congratulations Comarade Karat

Visited Somnath Dada today. Tomorrow is his birthday. He will spend it watching video and audio tapes which Padma Shree Rajdeep has given him.

Dada first became a Member of the Lok Sabha in 1971. He was elected as an independent candidate supported by the CPI (M). Now after nine victories for CPI(M) things have come a full circle. He is independent but supported by a Secular Saradarji Economist Prime Minister.

Just a side reminder from Tiwari that Somanth' Dada's papa, Nirmal Chandra Chatterjee, was the president of the Akhil Bharatiya Hindu Mahasabha. Amazing isn't it?

Bush called me up. He is fine. He wanted to know if he should call up Amar Singh and thank him. I told him he can thank him when I turndown his request for Mukeshbhai's scalp.

Today, Karat beat Narendrabhai in the ratings for the most hated man in India. Congratulations Comrade Karat.
Congratulations Comrade Karat.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

The sixth third front


My wife kept pestering me since last evening to tell her who was the guy hovering behind Mayawati like her personal valet, secretary and a maya-pecked public servant. It is Satish Mishra, but his role can be done by Rajpal Yadav. Or Ramu Kaka. He is also a General Secretary in BSP. Complete general...from chai lana to type karna.

Ramu , Karat saheb ke liye chai lao..

If I have not lost count, this is the sixth third front which we are seeing. This one will be decisive. After this one they will stop forming fronts like this.

This has been a major victory for me:
  1. I know Amar tried to bribe the BJP MPs. Now Amar will think twice before asking for Mukesh's scalp
  2. Mayawati, Chandrababu and Karat have nothing in common. Everyone except these leaders of the sixth third front know this! I am happy they are together.
  3. Somnath is a hero. This will make the Bengali think about CPI(M) and it's politics.
As a Secular Sardarji Economist Prime Minister, I have chosen to leave the Hindu voters to decide if there was a Ram Sethu or not. We have decided based on our deal with DMK that there was none.

I hope you enjoyed the television coverage of Padma Shri CNN IBN and NDTV. I think Soniaji must be given a Padma Shri for keeping these two on our side.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Mallu's deserve Maya?

I can hear and digest a lot of shit, but this woman says that I will be responsible if US attacks Iran. By making this woman as their leader, my friends from southern states have insulted the intelligence of Andharites, Kanadigas and Keraliets

Will anyone in South India vote for this woman as their PM?

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Starbucks

I would have loved hosting the meeting of all the MPs we have purchased at Starbucks. Maybe after we win the trust vote and visit US to buy nuclear reactors...

BJP and NDA of course is having their dinner at Ram Bharose Hindu Hotel in Vasant Vihar. Advanji is quite superstitious. He will not take his MPs to a place where there is no Bharosa.

Meanwhile, Mayawati told the media after their lunch that their current plans are just to bring down the government. They will decide on their future plans later. Karat could be seen grinning next to her. My guess is that if I loose, their next meeting will be at Hotel Baltschug Kempinski in Moscow.

A introduction to Russian democracy and Russian Roulette soon...baby...



Saturday, July 19, 2008

Secular Sardarji Economist Prime Minister

The French Ambassador meeting Rajnath Singh will not help me. I am still hopeful.

Did you know that CNN, Time and even NYT do not even mention the sacrifice I am making to make their president look good. Very sad. Bush should have arranged a better media coverage there. But look what the their news papers are full of. This one is from Time.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Tejo Mandir

BJP's Malhotra is objecting to us using Soniaji's picture in Government advertisements supporting the nuclear deal. He says she is not a part of the Government. Really? I thought she was the government.

Shiv Sena likes the nuclear deal. I may call up Udhav and tell him that we can name an airport after Balasaheb. The Shiv Sena claims the Taj Mahal is actually a Shiva temple, which its activists call Tejo Mahal, and that it belongs to the Rangji Temple Trust of Mathura. They are going to hold a Shiv pooja there. Should I allow them to name Taj Mahal as Tejo Mandir and get the nuclear deal through?

We need each vote and are willing to change any name for that.


To be the government is different from running a government.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Sonia Gandhi peace reactor

Lucknow’s Amausi Airport will be renamed after Charan Singh. I want a nuclear power plant to be named after me at a later date. We will also have a Sonia Gandhi Peace Reactor and A Rahul Gandhi Peace reactor. Another reactor will be named after Amar Singh, but that will be for making stuff for bombs only.

Mukesh Ambani has decided to name one of the roads in the Jamnagar refinery as "Amar Marg". It is the one which has the maximum numbers of curves and U turns.

Mayawati started forming her cabinet as soon as Telangana Rashtra Samiti (TRS) president K.Chandrasekhara Rao declared that he would back her for my job. Natwar Singh will be heading the external affairs in her cabinet. He had earlier become the Minister for External Affairs for Mulayam Singhji, but had to join the Mayawati cabinet after Mulayam Singhji joined us. And, as you know I already have an minister of External Affairs.


PM? I am the queen...

Pappu can't dance but Pappu can vote

Papu can't dance...but Pappu can vote! Good news. I am happy, Laluji is happy. Soniaji is happy. I think we will let Pappu dance when we win the confidence vote.

Kyo? Dance bhi Karega bhai!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Top Reason for not supporting the Nuclear Deal

Ok. I have got it figured out. I know why Indian politicians are unwilling to support the nuclear deal. Not in the order of importance or popularity but in the order which they occurred to me and Amar.
  1. Why the congress? We did all the difficult parts and now Congress wants the cake!
  2. It is not with the Chinese
  3. It is not with the Russians
  4. It is not with Iran
  5. It is with the USA
  6. I do not think the Muslims understand national interest is above hatred for US
  7. I was not given a Cabinet berth after I came out of prison
  8. The mining industry cannot be left in control of the BJP in Karnataka
  9. It is not good for the Bahujan Samaj
Quite a list..eh?

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Amar Katha

"If I ever become a minister, I will not take up telecom or information and broadcasting ministry as I have relations with Anil Ambani and Amitabh Bachchan," said Amar Singh at a press conference. Agreed. If you are Amar Singh one does not have to be even in the UP government to support his freinds.

If he ever joins my team I will give him the Petroleum Ministry. He will have to work from Dhirubhai Ambani Bhavan and this will be a surprise to him too...

Quite a fishy mouth...eh?


Monday, July 14, 2008

Cartoon ke piche kya hai

I thought the people of India should know that it not just their media which has poor taste and lacks common sense. The US media is far ahead in these areas. Check this cartoon from the New Yorker which Mukesh Ambani got for me when we met. I do not know what he was trying to communicate, but this cartoon is definitely courageous and shows that most people are like Amar Singh...they will go to any length to get what they and their freinds want.

Miya Obhama aur uski terrorist Biwi

Chineese have invited Soniaji to the opening ceremony of the Olympics instead of me. Bush and Sarkozy, Japanese Prime Minister Yasuo Fukuda, Australian Prime Minister Rudd, Finnish Prime Minister Matti Vanhanen and Mauritiun President Anerood Jugnauth will meet Soniaji. I as a Secular Sardarji Economist Prime Minister will have to be content with meeting Amar Singh in the Lok Sabha.

Here is a gem from Karat. "The nuclear deal will harm small traders and farmers. It will be harmful to workers and sectors like insurance and banks, too. To protect farmers, we have to stop this deal. The nuclear deal is related to globalization and market economy" He really said this. Honest!

We had to send our NSA Mr.Mayankote Kelath Narayanan to Amar Singh to explain the Nuclear Deal. Will Karat send Somnath Chaterjee or Jyothbabu to explain the above to me?


Sunday, July 13, 2008

Padma Shri Barkha Dutt

I watched Padma Shri Barkha Dutt's "We the people" this evening. Goes to show how much confidence I have that we will win the vote on 22 July. But, that is not the point.

Padma Shri Barkha Dutt was discussing whether the media and the police should be punished for their role in the Arushi murder Case. Padma Shri Barkha Dutt is very intelligent. She knows this misleading business very well. During the Gujarat election she mislead the entire nation that the Gujaratis are stupid bigots, Muslim hating Hindu fanatics who are stupid enough to vote for Narendarbahi even if he is not secular. And they did! It was terrific coverage on her part. She deserved the Padma Shri that Soniaji gave her for this unbiased and secular coverage. Should Gujaratis be hurt about this and punish her?

Who will help us win elections if you stop trusting them?


Deal ya more deal?

Deve Gauda says that he will support the nuclear deal if I nationalize the mining industry. The mining industry and the Government in Karnataka are run by the BJP. Mr. Deve Gauda and all his 2.5 MPs feel that this should not be the case.

I could have asked for the PM's positon again ...

Laluji has requested all his party colleages who are serving life sentences or lower in various prisons to be brought to the parliament for the vote. This is more support from the supporters!

Australian Prime Minister Rudd says that he too is willing to support the nuclear deal. All we have to do is keep Bhajji out of Pontings hair.

Obama backs the nuclear deal too. CNN does not discuss it, he says, and it is unlikely his voters have heard of it.

I am overwhelmed by the support from all quarters and my eyes have filled up...

Friday, July 11, 2008

The Saddam Connection

Why is everyone pointing out that the first cop to mislead the entire nation in the Arushi murder case was a Sardar?

We are holding the confidence vote on 22 July. Let me make it clear...either you are with us or against the nation. Now where have I heard something like this before?

On 22 July Saddam Hussein's sons Uday and Qusay were killed. Bush has suggested this date as it has been lucky for him.

Hiring Jackal


As you know I met President Patil today. She told me that last night an apparition appeared in the Raj Bhavan and told her that it was time for a vote of confidence in the Parliament. I asked her if she had got the approval on what the apparition said with Soniaji. The President said yes. Good. All lines are clear and we will take up the vote. I am cool with this.

At times I feel I would have lost more votes if BJP had supported the nuclear deal and claimed credit that they started the process. I have gained some urban middle class votes in the last few days.

My wife wanted to know if we had solved the Arushi murder case. I told her we are trying. We have given the suspects all forms of dope so that they blurt out the truth. Dr. Talwar meanwhile has opened a dental clinic in the prison. Free root canal treatment for cops.

Narendrabhai has been refused the visa to US which he had not applied for. I must say that sometime we secular people go overboard in our secularism.

We may have to hire Jackal to go after Mukesh. Amar Singhji wish list is more like a hit list. A real battle is on!
Windfall tax, ban on export of petrochemicals products, fire!

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

It is the Nehru Jacket

French President Sarkozy feels that I have taken the right decision. Socialist (Samajwadi) are always better then the communist. France has always prospered under the socialist. One can always defeat them later like he did. Good advice.

I was the only non-suit world leader at G8. Maybe my Nehru jacket will start a fashion trend for the global leaders. To get praised by Bush...wear a Nehru jacket.

Well a very interesting future awaits the nation. I am so excited about it that I told the boys in Delhi to go ahead and let the IAEA governors examine the draft agreement. We can always come up with an explanation for Pranab's boo boo. He told the media that we will get the confidence vote in the parliament before going to IAEA

For great relations, the Nehru Jacket has always worked wonders...

It's the communnal forces, Stupid.

We should all be grateful to the BJP, Chinese President Hu told me. We were wondering what I would have done without the communal forces acting as the primary binder which keeps my government together.

Anyways, Chinese will support us in the nuclear deal.

Amar Singh has asserted in the media so many times that Dr Kalam is not a Muslim that Dr.Kalam rushed to consult an expert on his status.


In Japan, I was just looking at the old notes. Mulayam Singh first became Chief Minister of Uttar Pradesh in 1989 with the support of BJP. So it all started with communal forces...eh?

Now to meeting Bush tomorrow....

Monday, July 07, 2008

Natwar looses again!

I may have had a  better sense of humor in Japan, but this bomb blast in Afghanistan has broken my heart.

I was just scanning my notes and found that Natwar Singh campaigned for Samajwadi Party in last election. Poor guy. He is loosing again for no real reason. Does he support the nuclear deal?


Natwar ki Amar Kahani




Tuesday, July 01, 2008

The view to a kill


If these two lines are parallel we are going ahead with the nuclear deal. Tell me...are they?