Thursday, August 28, 2008

Italy sends a message

Italy has sent a message, "the strong expectation of the government (of Italy) for decisive, preventative and repressive action on the part of Indian authorities". This is about the VHP leader killed by Christians...oops no, it is about the Hindus burning churches. I will let Soniaji handle it. She knows both, Christianity and Italy.

Sonaiji has slipped to number 21 and Maya bhenji has entered the list of the most powerful women at no 59. Fantastic. Four months to go for the new year and I have already got my first resolution in place. "Ignore all list from Forbes".

Mayawati Naina Kumari...number fifty nine

I am going to weep about the situation in Bihar. I am very sad. Gods must crazy!

The bruning Church

I am off to Bihar tomorrow. We will have to help Nitish and his team. Laluji has adviced me to not say anything about how he managed Bihar but focus on his work at the Rail Bhavan. Nitish, poor guy is having a tough time handling the flood.

I was having a look at what the nuclear deal and the Nano project have done to the Communist Party. One project by Mukesh in West Bengal and we can win the elections there.

Please consider it very secular when I post a picture of a burning church in Orrisa.
The Hindu ashrams in Orrisa also look the same. The mosque may be smaller. I as a Secular Sardarji Economist Prime Minister can pray in any of these...pray for uninterrupted power supply and drinking water...

All religions look and feel the same in flames..

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Sounds like Janta Dal

I inaugurated a new training centre of Tata Consultancy Services at IIT-Guwahati . The land seems to have be procured legally. I did not see Medha Patkar anywhere around. Phew.... I have also promised a world-class university, an institute of petroleum technology and a national design institute to the people of Assam. I am also planning to promise them peace and security soon.

After making these promises in Assam I bought Imperial Energy Plc for 1.4 billion pounds to tap Siberian oil deposits. We have sucked out the oil from Assam. We need to look at some other places. Next, I met the Olympic contingent. A rare occasion when I could actually congratulate some winners.

Chiranjeevi new party is called Praja Rajyam. People's Rule. Sounds like Janta Dal. He is likely to chew into Naidu's vote bank. In Andhra Pradesh we have vote banks based on the film star you pray to.

Big C ignores the advice from Big B....

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Dalal Street supports Mamta

On August 26, 1959, Chinese troops crossed into Indian territory after a border dispute. They withdrew after 2 years. Their teachings remain popular in West Bengal. Mamta Banerjee also plans to withdraw in two years...from Singur.

As a Secular Sardarji Economist Prime Minister I noticed that Tata Motors script surged upwards by 2%. Dalal Street is pleased that TATA may withdraw from West Bengal? Mamta madam has got support from surprising quarters eh?

No we do not need a Nano! Nahi! Nahi! Nahi!

After attending the Rally with Mamta, Amar Singhji went to Delhi and met Rahulbaba. After this Amar Singhji went and met Ahmed Patel. Ahmed Patel went and met Soniaji. Soniaji called Rahulbaba and told him that he should stop claiming that it was because of the presence of the Gandhi family in the opening ceremony that India won 3 medals at the Olympics.

I like the weather in Assam. It is better then Singur and New Delhi.


Sunday, August 24, 2008

Tasseography

I will be in Assam on Monday and Tuesday. They will be allocating 75% of the states bandwidth for my blogging and playing with my new 3G IPhone. The ordinary Assamese can send their emails after I leave. I hope it is not too inconvenient for them. But remember I am their nominee into the Rajya Sabha and some sacrifices are in order for them.

While in Assam, I will also read some tea leaves and say nice things. Predicting the future by reading tea leaves is called Tasseography. In western India this science is called fakology. In Delhi we call it Amar-vani. What do they call it in Assamese?

I cannot read the leaves after they are processed in UP style!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Dhud Wala Bhaiyaji

I want to mention a point today which is not so relevant but is still very relevant. There are two cricket playing countries where the most of the racists from South Africa escaped to....Australia and New Zealand. New Zealand at the moment is causing problems with Champions Trophy in Pakistan and our approvals at NSG.

These two countries have an understanding of world equivalent to my dhud wala bhaiya. After all their econmoy runs on milking cows (or slaughtering them).

As a Secular Sardarji Economist Prime Minister I am upset. I hope the US does not change the text of the NSG agreement.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Bull by the horns

Inflation is at 12.63%. I am working hard on reducing it by ignoring its existence. Last week we approved a 21 percent pay rise for 5 million civil servants. We have inflation under control. It will remain below 15%. A 18-foot bronze statue of Bhagat Singh was installed in the Parliament House complex today. I and Soniaji went and has a look, offered floral tributes. He was also a Sardar. I am also a sardar and Narendrabhai also claims to be a Sardar...Sardar Patel. It is a Sardar season. I also released a commemorative postage stamp on shehnai legend Ustad Bismillah Khan. After a morning of hardwork I went and checked if we had won any medals. No Luck. So I saw some NDTV. Some luck. They have busted Congressman R K Anand. I never liked this chap. Had lunch. More Luck. Muli ka paratha. Burp. Back to work. Checked on the Rs 36,000 Iphone. Good. Expensive. Bluetooth sucks. Also does not seem to have infrared. Sad. Amarnath...sorry Shri Amarnath Sangharsh Samiti staged demonstrations and courted arrest. I hope they have tiered themselves out and will rest tomorrow. Bermuda and West Indies are playing cricket. Really? And the ball does not disappear. Got a call from Shyam. He says the white boys from Austria, New Zealand and Switzerland are making things tough at the NSG. I have requested Rice to call them to straighten things out.

As a Secular Sardarji Economist Prime Minister I want assure you that we have the bull by the horns. We just have to put on weight, get fit and we will tame it! Some bleeding is possible during the process.


Thursday, August 21, 2008

One point five

As a Secular Sardarji Economist Prime Minister I am so glad that our team is doing so well at the Olympics. We no longer discuss cricket at out cabinet meetings. But the real winner is the Commonwealth games. Our English speaking middle class is going to watch these games and we will see more money flow in. Should I put Lalit Modi in charge of the Commonwealth games? As the first step we have decided to repair the New Delhi Railway station.

I gave the Rajiv Gandhi Sadbhavna Award to social activist N Radhakrishnan at a function today. I took this opportunity to lecture BJP. But I should have lectured Roy and Medha. Arundhati Roy now wants freedom for the Kashmiris! At times I feel that we should not have used these NGOs, like the one run by Medha and supported by Arundhati Roy to screw Narendrabhai.

I think India needs some freedom from these NGOs.

Dedh shyani...1.5 hai!



Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Lily, Sally, Teja and Kareena

Counter Terrorism and Jungle Warfare College has trained four street dogs for bomb detection. Mongrels — Lily, Sally, Teja and Kareena were found to be more efficient than pure bred Labradors. The college wanted to name one of the puppies Aslam, but my cabinet colleague Laluji took strong exception to this. Giving a mongrel a Muslim name was not secular. So the college had to keep secular names like Lily, Sally, Teja and Kareena.

Secular Sally...oops it is Teja!

I kind of like Laluji. He has a unique sense of humor. He has unique style. He has a unique hairdo. He has a unique sleeve length. He also has a unique definition of secularism. He was against banning SIMI. Quite a few of his voters are SIMI members. Other than demanding SIMI should not be banned he has been distributing Railway jobs in lieu of land. This is really amazing. Even a Secular Sardarji Economist Prime Minister has to be jolted with Lalunomics.

Laluji is accusing the Narendrabhai for having arrested innocent secular Muslims in the Ahmedabad blast case. Laluji says that none of those arrested look like the sketches released by the Gujarat police and hence they are innocent.

Arrested personnel do not look their sketches and hence innocent, rules Judge Lalu!

I have made my opinion on J&K secretly public by releasing the Kashmir Solution for Dummies. No one seems to be interested in reading it. Not even my cabinet colleague Laluji.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Rahulbaba not ready yet

Soniaji has finally made it clear. Rahulbaba is not ready yet. I have to just win the election against the communal forces and I will be the PM next year.

She is very confident that I will solve the Sorren crises, resolve the Kashmir issue, reduce the Hindu-Muslim divide, get the Indo-US nuclear deal through and become friends with Karat again in the next few months. I love it when someone has so much confidence in my abilities.

I hope you folks are happy that I took a break. I am sure you found time to read your own blog!

So you have an opinion eh?

Monday, August 11, 2008

Why is the Indian Muslim quite?

I know, I know I am responsible for the talent of Indian shooters being throttled by our gun control laws. A rare day in history of India. The entire English speaking middle class ignored cricket. We should have increased the petrol prices today.

BJP has suggested that in the land of Ram we should take up archery more seriously.

One solution to Kashmir problem could be massive protests by the Muslims all across India against Kashmiri separatists. It will stop the misinterpreted reporting by the international media and gag the Islamic critics. But why is the Indian Muslim quite? As a Secular Sardarji Economist Prime Minister I sometimes fear that the BJP may be right!

When I am happy and sad, I dig into my photo albums...

Pechan Kaun?


Congress is the winner at NT awards

News Television awards were mainly won by the Congress channels. CNN IBN was the leader. Another Congress channel which has won awards but has posted a loss of Rs 105 Crores is NDTV. The communal channels are busy fomenting trouble in J&K.

Amar Singhji was a part of the all party team which went to Jammu to negotiate with Amarnath Sangharsh Samiti. He offered 4 crore rupees in advance to the samiti. Gulambhai had a tough time restraining the peace process which would have got over in a couple of minutes if he would had let Amar Singhji have his way.
Secular currency mai char panch krore bhej du?

I forgot to tell Shivraj to take Mayawatiji along. She would have divided the Kashmiri Pandits into 13 castes and 27 sub castes. This too may have solved the problem.

I have been busy this Sunday, but I have offered my Kashmir solution for Dummies earlier and I rest my case.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Bhenji in our secular cabinet

I do not know why the Indian middle class, particularly the English speaking folks do not like Bhenji and are upset that she wants to become me!

You are the same bunch of people who used to hate Lalu. I, as a Secular Sardarji Economist Prime Minister, see some traits of Laluji in Bhenji. She looks and sounds as stupid as Laluji when he was ruling Bihar. Look at the suave Railway Minister he has become under Soniaji's guidance. He even lectures at IIM. Maybe we will have secular Bhenji in our secular cabinet next year.

So what?

Friday, August 08, 2008

Robert Kaha hai?

Rahulbaba signed his first international agreement in China. This irrelevant agreement signed with Chinese Minister of "International Department" Wang Jia Rui is a part of his training program. Soniaji also wanted him to wave at the Indian Olympic team like she did. It was also a part of the training program.

The Chinese managed to get Soniaji into the enclosure for Prime Ministers and Presidents. Our Sports Minister Gill pointed out that Singh is not the King anymore. Which Singh was he referring to?

Rahul being trained 08-08-08. Beijing.

But bhai, Robert Kaha hai?


Catch Robert on TV

I am proud to inform you as a Secular Sardraji Economist Prime Minister, Soniaji, Rahul, Priyanka and Robert Vadra have reached Beijing to represent India at the opening of the Olympic games. Advaniji was joking when he said that even Umaji is more representative of India then Robert Vadra. But, what can I say?

Our Sport minister is the official representative and will rub shoulders with President Bush. He will slyly pass him a note from me. It says, "Please confirm that you did not give that money to Amar Singhji"

Soniaji is away for a few days. Should I quickly solve the J&K problem by giving some land to the shrine board?

Please let me know if spot Robert on TV during the opening ceremony.

Priyanka beta, 300 purses are enough for this trip...

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Six thinking hats and a turban

Just came out of an all party meeting on the Amarnath issue. It was very constructive. As you know ice lingam at the Amarnath cave shrine is a natural formation. Like Ram Sethu, it is irrelevant to a secular society.I did some thinking using Dr Bono's six hat method after the meeting.
  • White hat (facts) Amarnath shrine is claimed to be over 5,000 years old. We need to modernize it by having majority in the region practicing a 1500 year old religion control the area around it.
  • Red Hat (emotions) These communal Hindus provoked by the BJP are stirring up trouble for our vote bank across the nation.
  • Black Hat (negatives) My vote bank may hold protests in Hyderabad and then what?
  • Yellow hat (positives) Everyone will blame the communal forces if anything goes wrong.
  • Green hat (creative) Hold a the Indo-Lanka test match in J and K. 3 days in Katra and 2 days in Srinagar.
  • Blue hat (process control): Get Amar Singhji to manage the show.
  • Turban Thinking: Let us not take a decision. Someone will sooner or later give up and things will be peaceful. Send some folks wearing a turban to see the ground reality.

Delegation wearing Prada Spring 07 Turban collection to bring peace in Jammu

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

The gray in black and white

I and Karzai decided that Afghanistan and India will jointly fight terrorism. We are also going to jointly review the victory series released by American State department.

# Victory in Iraq, by George W. Bush
# Victory in Afghanistan by George W. Bush
# Victory in Vietnam, by Richard M. Nixon
# Victory in Vietnam, by Lyndon B. Johnson
# Victory in Vietnam, by John F. Kennedy
# Victory in Korea, by Harry S. Truman.

We insist on seeing gray in J&K when everything is black and white. For those who want to see gray they will.

The gray part is called pseudo Secularism by Rajanathji. Do you see gray?

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Gods must be crazy!



President Karzai is my guest in Delhi from 3 August. He is flying in from Colombo. There are no direct flights from Colombo to Kabul. He could have gone via Islamabad or Delhi. He has chosen Delhi and I am grateful for this choice.

BJP to rely on Gujarat Samachar

SAARC meet went OK. Shewag saved it form a total disaster.

We discussed a lot about terrorism at SAARC. Pakistani Prime Minister declared that Pakistan was the biggest victim of terrorism. There was a gasp across the room. Some stopped breathing for an hour after his statement!

We all argued that terrorism has a political solution not a military one. Hypothetically, I was wondering what if the solution to terrorism is theological? Is the world ready to take on such a challenge?

The Mullah wanted to know if the world has the guts to take up the challenge of questioning the bible?

Now that BJP has boycotted CNN-IBN, we can let Padam Shree Rajdeep Sardesai join the congress earlier then planned. As you already know, NDTV is secular and neutral, on our side. But the Indian Middle class which is sexy and nerdy read this blog! Do you think they will trust these neutral channels?

Poor BJP, they are left with Gujarat Samachar only!


Friday, August 01, 2008

Ah! Taj!

Had a meeting on the sidelines of SAARC with the Pakistani PM. I told him to stop bombing us. He said that I should tell this to Lt. Gen Nadeem Taj, a relative of President Musharraf who is heading the ISI. He was just the Prime Minister.

ISI chief reports only to Allaha!

Meanwhile, Kamal has been a hit at the WTO. Susan Schwab cannot figure out how a small brown man could take a stand against the trade respresentative of the big white chief.

I feel very secured in Colombo. I like the weather too. All one has to do is avoid the guard of honor and you are safe home...

A lesson from the past


Hum SAARC SAARC hai

I am off to Colombo for the SAARC summit. I would have loved to use the Ram Sethu to cross over. It would have taken away a couple of million votes from BJP. Soniaji is against wasting time for frivolous activities like the winning Hindu votes, so I am flying Air India One.

We have a quite a divergent bunch of people at SAARC. One country which is run by its spy agency, the other with Maoist at the top, the host want to get into the record books for the longest running civil war and then we have Afghanistan. We also have Iran and US as observers. Now you might think this is going to be an action packed drama. Surprise! It is a Bharjatiya movie. Lot of people coming together to accomplish nothing.

Hum SAARC SAARC hai?