Sunday, September 28, 2008

4 Oct

Before they interview you....they fix a microphone...see how?

Will be back on this blog on 4 Oct....meanwhile I could not resist this one...

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

New York, New York, New York

Kashmir media service reports that I will be greeted by Kashmiris, disgruntled Sikhs and angry Christians in US. Nice, may be that will get me more media coverage than Zardari got when he met President Bush. This seems like a secret visit by me. Only our media contingent knows that I am visiting the USA!

Monday, September 22, 2008

GOD got created under GNU-General Public License

Source of terrorism can be traced back to millions of years when GOD got created under the first ever General Public License (Open Source Code) structure.

Due to the early open source policy of creators of GOD, self appointed implementation partners may have completely modified the source code to localize the application of GOD. These may or may not include likes of Jesus, Allah, Buddha, Mahavir, Krishna etc. This was fine, as the localized code worked fine for the limited period.

Due to major modification in the original source code, the central body could no longer control things under GPL. All this resulted in more implementation partners and who kept modifying the source code for localized benefits. As time moved on the original source code was lost...

Implementation partner....

One such implementer is LADIN...a bit out of touch with the original source code...isn't he?

Sri Sri. v/s Dr. Dr.

Just as I get ready to hit the world with my Secular Sardarji Economist charm and meet beautiful Vice Presidential candidates in New York, Sri Sri Sri Ravi Shankar attacked my policies from Bhubhneshwar. He says that my 25 lakh scholarship for minority students is dividing the classrooms. Really? Maybe I should increase it to a couple of Crores so that it is comparable with the spending on education by the rich majority.

Sri Sri Sri is having a field day in Orrisa. He said "Though people have the right to convert voluntarily, attempts to effect conversion through allurement under the garb of social service should not be allowed. It will destroy pluralism in society," He said this while promising to open a World Class University in Orissa which will provide technical education along with Yoga and Spiritualism. He will call it the Sri Sri Sri Hindu Madaressa and Anti Conversion College of Technical Education.

Sri Sri Sri v/s Dr. Dr. Dr.

RIL will save India Rs 90,000cr imports per Year. Amar Singh called me up. He wanted to know if I can inform the nation before I leave for France and US that oil and gas reserves have been created years back and have not been invented by Mukeshbhai.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Secular vegetarian

I am off on a tour to France and USA from Monday. I have to explain to the world leaders why the Muslims in my country believe that the encounter in which a top Delhi cop was shot dead was fake. We planted dead bodies there and shot our own cop! If Shivraj stage managed this to prove a point, I must say that he can have his job even in the next government.

Meanwhile my Finance Minister while delivering the Field Marshal K M Cariappa Memorial Lecture said that alienation of the Muslim community is one of the biggest challenges to the country. They should be integrated into the society.

Well, if this nation can accept a Sardar as a Prime Minister, Dr Kalam as a President the why don't you accept Rafikbhai as your neighbour?

Sometimes it is difficult to be secular if you are a vegetarian!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Narendrabhai, 59

Narendrabhai turned 59. He sent a train filled with relief material to Bihar. This is a part of the communal 20 Cr relief package being offered by Gujarat Government to Bihar. Secular relief packages from West Bengal and Kerala have been delayed. They are still waiting for some relief from TATA to reach them.

As a Secular Sardarji Economist Prime Minister, the nation expects my opinion on the collapse of Lehman Brothers. Honestly, I feel that the real reason is that Americans are not repaying loans, Bush is spending too much on the war and the Americans are not recruiting enough students from IIM.

Wall Street ignores the advice they give their clients. Like Google ignores the lessons from Microsoft and the antitrust case. Americans want to maintain a monopoly while preaching fair competition. Such paradoxical existence usually leads to Lehmanisms...

I called up the Intelligence Bureau chief Haldar. I wanted very specific information. Are the Christians indulging in forced conversions? - Yes or No...pause...pause...pause...I thought this one was easy...
Admist terrosit is time for Iftar!

Conference of Governors

I am going to use the two-day conference of Governors to make important announcements. We are going to have a Minister of Sate for Internal Security. He will report to the Home Minister. In this way Shivraj can retain his job when we have blasts in Chennai, Cochin, Indore and Kolkotta.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Coversions of interest

Most of the English speaking middle class, those who like my economic liberalization, hate the communist and support the BJPs stand about minority appeasement are convent educated. I like these middle class English speaking intellectuals who feel that all problems of extremism can be solved by good education in a good convent school. What an IDEA Sirji!

What an IDEA Sirji! Samajwadi Abhishek in action!

You know I am a Secular Sardarji Economist Prime Minister. I hate the BJP but look what the Pope said “And above all, pray that the Holy Spirit will pour out His gifts upon the Church, the gifts that lead to conversion, forgiveness and growth in holiness.”

Only conversion that should be of interest to all is the conversion from US dollar to Indian Rupees. Rest of the conversions are just the same wine in a different bottle.

Lalu says that Shivraj should be sacked. Really? But he is the one supporting SIMI! Amazing!

Me resign for supporting SIMI? What an IDEA Sirji!

SIMI free terror in Bihar

Hurriyat has sent a strong protest to SIMI against their untimely attack in Delhi. They had such strong protests going on in the valley and were getting the media spotlight. The Hindu government killed two protesters today. Hindu Government? Arey bhai, we are a secular government. Ask Narendrabhai about it.

I will wait. I will keep quite about Mulayams stand on SIMI till Amitabh is questioned on this. I and Big B have the same collation partners. Raj will have a field day pointing this out. Let us hear it from Jaya and I will follow.

Laluji has jumped on the Palace on Wheels and is hiding below one of the bunks. He says that all the SIMI activist from Bihar are decent guys. It is only in cities like Mumbai with unsecured WiFi networks that SIMI operates like a terrorist organization. He told me that his close colleague Shabuddin has told him that he had never taken any help from SIMI activist while terrorising Bihar.

SIMI free terror in Bihar.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

A wish list on a black day

  1. I wish Lalu had not constituted a committee to prove that "Godhra" was an accident
  2. I wish Mulayam and Lalu had not spoken against the ban on SIMI
  3. I wish I had not met Modi
  4. I wish my current and future allies were not atheist ( CPI and DMK Chief are atheist to the core)
  5. I wish we had not filed any affidavit about Ram Sethu being a natural formation
  6. I wish my current partners were not dependent on the Muslim vote bank so much that they have to refer to Obama and Barack Hussein Obama all the time. Amar Singhji does this at am embarrassing rate.
  7. I wish can get back to running the reserve bank.

Oh! You want me to wish something for the future?

Let BJP come to power. Let them get unpopular, get ruthless and stop terrorism. After they get rid of separatist, fundamentalist and secessionists...we secular parties can come back to power.

My current partner was friends with the man whose kids are married into Dawood's family.

A Mystery

I have not figured this one out...have you?

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Shed one Reliance

Amar Singh wanted me to blog about this. So here it is.

In 1991, Mumbai had 53% Maharashtrians, 22% Gujaratis, 17% North Indians , 3% Tamilians , 3% Sindhis, 2% Tuluvas/Kannadigas and others. Can you guess what is the situation today?

He also wants me to screw Mukesh. He says India needs more companies like Sahara. We can shed one Reliance since we have two available in the country now.

Is this the real third front?

State ministers in-charge of statistics

I inaugurated the National Conference of state ministers in-charge of statistics. Statistically it is improbable that you are even aware that there are ministers in-charge of statistics.

During the inauguration I mentioned that our data collection system has completely gone haywire. I am making decisions based on data which could be 50% off the mark. No wonder the inflation is above 12%. It is also due to poor data collection.

Shit! We have just forgotten to count some women!

Monday, September 08, 2008

Jayasse and Bhavasse

Modi has made chess a compulsory subject in Secondary Schools. He says it will sharpen the kids skills to manipulate the stock market. They are also going to introduce archery in Gujarat. The state has a growth of 12% and Modi says they are headed for Ram Rajya.

"Jayasse" and "Bhavasse" replace Ramnik and Rasik

The Chinese Foreign Minister Jeichi first spent the night with Buddhadeb in Kolkotta before hitting Delhi to meet me. He and Buddha share smokes, drinks and ideology. He promised Buddha more investment in infrastructure in West Bengal so that people do not get disillusioned by communism.

Australian Foreign Minister Stephen Smith will be here for the next few days. He is visiting Chennai and Hyderabad. He represents a Democratic country.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Our faliure

We have failed. We just messed it up. We could not get NSG and the US to let the following clause be in all agreements.

"Indian will test underground, India will test over ground, Indian will test under sea, India will test in the East, India will test in the west, India will build more bombs, India will arm more bombs. The rest of the world will keep supplying us uranium because we are a responsible tester of nuclear bombs"

We have not been able to live up to Yashwant Sinha's expectation. We have also not lived up to Karat's expectation. He keeps seeing Hyde in every freindly Jekyll.

Phechan Kaun...Jekyll or Hyde?

Saturday, September 06, 2008

On Teacher's day

The secular media is upset that Modi spoke about terrorism on Teacher's day. Why can't he be like the rest of the folks and just say nice things about teachers. Or complain about the standard of education in our is quite bad, even Lalu has a doctorate.

Hope you had a happy teachers day.

Friday, September 05, 2008

Dr. Sonia Gandhi

I am off to Chennai to get a doctorate. This time from the Madras University. Soniaji will also get a doctorate. So will Karunanidhi. Shivraj and Pranab did not want a doctorate this week and Laluji told me he already had one from Patna University. Rahulbaba says he wants to do his SSC first. be it. I will be Dr. Dr. Secular Sardarji Economist Prime Minister and Soniaji will be Dr Soniaji Gandhi

After getting the doctorates I will inaugurate a hospital, lay a foundation stone for an expansion of Salem steel plant, give traffic jams a new dimension in Chennai and return home for dinner. They are planning to make Palak Paneer.

Nuclear Supplier Group? It looks like a Nuclear Suppliers World!

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Islamic Banking

Amar Singhji is going to meet me and explain the importance, need and benefits of Islamic banking in vote bank politics. I will have to hear him out. He is our new secular partner. He will be back in Delhi as soon as he ensures that TATA are out of Singur.

There is another project. Narmada Dam. Medha was there too. In that project the Secular English media was on Medha's side. Why? Would Amir Khan like to sit in dharna with Roy and Patkar at Singur? Well, TATA project is for making a secular car and Narmada is a communal dam. See the difference?

I am sad that Christians are being killed in Orrisa. I am also mystified as to why Kandhamal, of all places was chosen to convert Hindus into Christians? The Pope needs some strategic guidance. He could hire a few boys IIM Ahmedabad.

One can start a conversion campaign in Mumbai...only if you speak in Marathi.

I am off to US and France on a 10 day tour from 22 September 2008. Yipeee....

Now...what exactly is happening here?

Monday, September 01, 2008

Nothing Special

I am so upset with the situation in Bihar that I am just posting a picture form the album. Not a good pic, but still of national importance.