Sunday, September 20, 2009

Holy cow in Cattle class


Holy cow traveled in Cattle class....and a Sardar too! I have a problem!


As a Sardraji Economist Prime Minister I too am planning to travel Cattle Class. I had Tiwari look up the definition of Cattle to check if I fit the bill. I do not...even with a turban!


Official definition of Cattle:

Any of various mammals of the genus Bos, including cows, steers, bulls, and oxen, often raised for meat and dairy products. Human beings, especially when viewed contemptuously or as a mob.

Happy Eid al-Fitr

Just being secular...Lalu even wished someone a good Friday a year back....

Friday, September 18, 2009

Rs 889 crore bonus

Ok. It is final. We have decided in the cabinet meeting that we will give a bonus totaling to Rs 889 crore to employees of Indian Railway,  It is a productivity-linked bonus.

I am glad. Mamta is a modest type at least she will not ask for her statues to be installed on the train. Is there a Lalu Yadav Garibh Rath that anyone knows of?


We are also thinking of doing something good for the vote bank called Mumbai local bank. It is the best vote bank for the coming elections. Cuts across caste and religion.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Goonda Tax

Shivpal Singh Yadav says Mayawati has amassed assets worth Rs 90,000 corers. Really? That is like 50% GDP of UP. She got this out of collection of Goonda tax as per Shivpal. Is this tax collected by goondas or tax collected to protect against goondas?

I will have to ask Rahulbaba. I am quite confused about UP politics. I will call Rahulbaba after 9 pm. Half rates apply.
But the bhai is on the Yadav's side! Who is collecting the taxes?

DMK Al Umma

Meanwhile 10 prisoners belonging to the outlawed Al-Umma group and serving sentences for the Coimbatore serial blasts of 1998 will be released to coincide with the birth centenary celebrations of DMK founder and former chief minister C N Annadurai. The police chiefs are quite excited at the amount of new investigative and intelligence gathering this release will generate.


Secular leaders of Al-Umma...now will sing free humma humma...

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Chandighar stressed out

Mike Fennell wants to meet me. He wants me to transfer the task of setting up stadiums for the commonwealth games to Maya Madam. He is impressed with pace she built the parks all around UP.

Parkash Singh Badal is pissed off that the Punjab Governor's dual charge as the administrator of the Union Territory of Chandigarh is being terminated. Badal is insisting that the Union territory of Chandigarh is the capital of Punjab. I think we have divest Chandigarh of its role as capital of all states in that area. Being a capital of two states, Punjab and Haryana, and a union territory of India must be very stressful for Chandigarh.
These Sardars have to take a cue from me and be a bit calm....

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Pakistani Kaun tha?

I do not know who is running this country. I cannot find out who were the Paksitani blokes with Ishrat, the girl who never bunked a class and went for regular tutoring  while in Mumbai. And what was this regular college girl doing with Pakistani blokes in a communal city like Ahmedabad where every Muslim has death threat.
I hope the media does not ask all these questions to Isharat's family. These are stupid irrlevant questions which the media should not disccuss while debating fake encounters.
I am afraid that if the secular English Speaking media manages to alienate the Gujjubhais will they want a separate Islam free state call Gujjusthan! 
Is Sooraj Barjatya clicking these sweet sweet meaningless pictures.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Rehman Malik invites Chidambaram

Pakistani interior minister Rehman Malik has invited Chidambaram for an open debate over the issue of Mumbai attacks investigations. I think ISI must have briefed him that Chidambaram does not know two bits of Hindi or Urdu and Malik's English is designed for the local consumption...smart move. Sometime back Advaniji also had invited me to a public debate...look what happened to him.
Malik is a thinking man. Here is home pose...

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Saakshar Bharat

I launched the Rs.65 billion literacy mission 'Saakshar Bharat' yesterday. We need to get the women in this country literate. I promised that in another 5 years all women will be able to read and write an Indian language...at least to the level Soniaji does...ooops...

Language shawl...Harry Potter certified

The question always will be which language should I get the women folks literate in so that we can communicate to them....without a filter.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Namibia

Namibian President Hifikepunye Pohamba is here for 5 days. We signed an agreement to buy Uranium from them. Aussie Deputy Primer is also here. She is not interested in selling us Uranium. She wants us to get a bit of education.
Windhoek, the capital of Namibia is quite different from the rest of the Southern African cities. There is only one Indian restaurant in the entire city! (Imagine this! We need to do something about this. Izzat ka sawal hai!) By the way I found out from the President that the Restaurant is called Taal, it is run by a Malyali who specializes in "All Indian curries" and software! Jai ho! Mera Bharat Mahan!
By the way I am really grateful to the secular English speaking media for the relentless effort to unceremoniously bury Advaniji in dirt, muck and lies. I do not think Advaniji is ever going to forgive them nor is the BJP. They will now have to work harder to make them loose all the by elections. Thank you. I may give a couple of National Awards to them.
Gill say Formula 1 is expensive entertainment. Cricket is a poor mans game. Gill is also a Sardar.
Azhar, who recently acquired a congress halo will respond with his clean secular looks!